EFM: Emissary on a Free Mission

What's the biggest difference between serving as a tandem and being an Extra Freeloader in Mexico (EFM)? A second government paycheck.

OK, so the second paycheck would be earned through putting in hours at the Consulate, and I'd have to pass all sorts of tests, but whether I like it or not, I'm a diplomat. (And, yes, I know the feeling is mutual. Like it or not Americans, I'm representing you and your image down here. I apologize in advance for any lasting repercussions.)

EFMs are kind of like First Ladies in that way. We didn't really sign up for this job when we married our spouses, and the government didn't really get too much of a say in picking ideal EFMs to accompany their Formally Selected Officials (FSOs). The only screening they did on me was a background check and a medical test. Essentially, the only requirement to being an EFM is not getting into too much trouble and being disease free. (And who knows, they might not even care that much about those two criteria either. Anyone know of any potential EFM being rejected for medical reasons?)

Also like the First Ladies, how we fulfill our role is entirely dependent on our own ambitions. We can be Hillary Clintons and be - perhaps - too involved, or we could be Laura Bushs lead and be essentially out of sight.

That said, I'm not locking myself in the house and never making public appearances. And when I do go out, I am representing how Americans behave. And I stick out a bit, too, given that I have paler skin than most of the native Hermosillians, and that I also probably have a general look of confusion.

Some of us are better at this job than others. Take Novakistan (formerly Minnesota Gal) for instance. She does us proud in her job as a diplomat. These two stories - this one written by her, and this one written by her friend who was visiting - are some of the best things I've read from fellow foreign service spouses since I entered the fold. If you have time, you definitely need to read these pieces. If you don't, then stop reading this one and go check them out instead.

I don't have the language skills, yet, to be able to be that involved, but I did get to practice a little this past weekend doing some Beach Diplomacy.

There are two beaches near here - San Carlos and Bahia de Kino. From the best that I can tell, Kino seems to be more of the locals' beach whereas San Carlos is more "vacationy." While at Kino this past weekend, we - Natalie, one of her colleagues, and I - had a Frisbee with us. It wasn't the most effective toy with the wind making it difficult to throw, and when it went into the water, it sunk making it hard to retrieve. In short, it was a crappy Frisbee.

Near by, there were two young boys (both 6-9ish) playing in the sand. I think they were digging, but they didn't have any tools. They also didn't have any bathing suits and were just wearing their underwear instead. Natalie's colleague invited them into our game of throwing the Frisbee and looking for it in the Gulf after we inevitably missed it. They were loving it.

They left eventually, and we were getting ready to go our hut when a young girl (9-12ish) walked up to me - I was holding the crappy Frisbee - with a JuMex box in her hand and said "Hi," in English. A bit relieved that she spoke some English, I decided to test it. "Do you want to throw?" "Yeah," and then she handed her juice box to some and threw the Frisbee to Natalie's colleague. She threw a few more times before she started getting bored, or distracted, and then her little sister came over and we played with her some.

She was fascinating, and I'd love to have had more time to talk with her. But I did learn that she was born in Phoenix while her parents and older sister were born in Mexico, and that she had (or still does?) attended school in Tuscan. Her English was incredible, probably even better than some of her American contemporaries. But she also said it was her job to teach her parents and her sister English, too. Like I said, I would have loved to hear more of her story.

But the game ended and we went our separate ways. I'd like to think that the parents were watching and were thinking that those Americans aren't that bad after all. And I'd like to think that as those children get older, they'll remember playing with some Americans on the beach, and that we didn't have fangs or fences.

You'll never find me serving the United States in a Consulate or Embassy, but I'm just find deploying a little Beach Diplomacy here and there.

EFM: Evidence For Moods

If you were reading through the comments in the first part of the leaky ceiling story, the last one on there might have seemed like an overreaction.

In actuality, I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! was responding to a comment I had left on another blog. To quote Shannon from Cyberbones:

You know that handy little chart that floats around diagramming the stages of acceptance at a new post? If you are not FS it goes something like this: honeymoon, depression, resigned acceptance, happiness. Well I completely skip the honeymoon period everytime.

I added her comment section that my honeymoon period is over and I feel stuck in the depression. (Not to worry, family, that is an overstatement. This is not a call for help.) I also asked for a copy of said schematic. Well, ask and you will receive, which is where I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! came to the rescue. (And thank you very much for that!)

OK, so first off, how did Natalie spend from September 2009 through June 2010 in A-100 (introduction to the foreign service, essentially) and Federally Supervised Instructions (FSI) without ever receiving a copy of this thing? How did I attend three or four FSI courses and never receive this thing? Sure, learning about how to seat guests at a state dinner is a skill I use everyday, but in hindsight, I wish they offered a course on coping with cultural adaptation instead of etiquette.

So moving across the chart, I didn't really have the pre-departure ups and downs. I wasn't excited about pack-out day or living in a hotel for 10 days, but it had no bearing on my emotional well-being.

I definitely enjoyed an initial honeymoon stage, or as I like to think of it, becoming accustomed to this awesome house - leaky roof aside. But after about a week or so, I began to slip into what the chart refers to as culture shock/acute homesickness. I don't know if those words feel appropriate for what I was actually feeling or not, but you get the picture. The emotional well-being red line dipped.

(Important case study note, in which I'm the case study: The chart, while cool and scientific looking, is a generalization. In my particular case, I think my honeymoon and culture shock stages were more intertwined and instead of a nice smooth curvy line, mine is more jagged with more ups and downs. Even in the culture shock area, there are still good days; it's just that the bad days are a little more intense than bad days back home and a little more frequent.)

So because FSI has failed us all by its lack of cultural adaptation class, I'll offer my four lessons from my own struggles.

1. I wish I would have been more studious in learning Spanish. This is 100% my fault, and I accept the blame, but that isn't helping much right now. I've been using the Stone a bit more (still don't particularly like it), and Spanish class is to commence soon at the Consulate. I hope ironing out this inability-to-communicate wrinkle will make life here better, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in this basket.

2. Speaking of eggs in a single basket, I wish I wasn't so reliant on a single client for my freelance work. The problem with working with this magazine - other than the fact that the editor holds a personal grudge against me - is that both the editor and publisher are lousy communicators and fear confrontations. So are they not responding to my e-mails because they are angry with me, are just being lazy about hitting the respond button, or do they just not want to tell me they think my story ideas suck? Another situation in which I saw the red flags before coming here, but I decided to leave it all to chance that it would work out.

3. I miss my stuff. I'm not really a possessions-oriented person, but I miss my coffee pot, food processor, toaster and/or toaster oven and cookbooks. I also miss our DVD player, DVDs (and VHS tapes) and books. I feel like Steve Martin from The Jerk. "I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray...And this paddle game ... And that's all I need. I don't need one other thing, not one...I need this." (And yes, that is my second movie reference in as many posts.) So I wish we had better planned our air freight.

4. This is the big one - managing expectations. I'd like to say I came here with no expectations. I thought I was coming here with no expectations. But after the first couple of weeks here, I found myself saying to myself, "This is not what I expected," so I must have expected something, right?

I had heard Hermosillo described as a small town within a big city. I really have no idea what that means. But I grew up in a small town. I went to college and had my first jobs in a small town. Hermosillo is not a small town by any stretch of the imagination. In a small town, you can count the number of stoplights on two hands or less. In a small town, there is two or three main roads that go no further than two miles without leaving the city limits. In a small town, you can live anywhere and still walk to what the locals refer to as its downtown.

Hermosillo has almost a million people here (some anticipate that the 2010 census will push past 1 million). Sure, there aren't any skyscrapers like in big U.S. cities, but a small town has like 50,000 people at most, not a million. And it is spread out. There are a couple of downtownish shopping areas, but none in walking distance from where we live. Not that you would want to walk in this heat anyway, but still.

In truth, having seen a few pictures of our home before we arrived, I didn't have high expectations for it, so I was pleasantly surprised when we got here. The few descriptions I had of Hermosillo had me expecting something else, and given my current standing on the emotional well-being line, I guess that wasn't such a pleasant surprise.

But with any luck and some hard work, will be getting the rest of our stuff soon and I'll get a better grasp on Spanish. And maybe the working situation will improve - it seems to ebb and flow. And after some time, I'll get used to this version of a "small town." For starters, just having this chart bumped up my emotional well-being line. It was refreshing to know that this is such a common experience there is a scientific-looking chart to describe it.

EFM: Enduring Free of Maids

Given this past blog posting on domestic employees/maids, it should come as no surprise that I've decided to tackle the house cleaning by myself.

After I got done with all of the unpacking, which was less than a day's chore, it wasn't like I had a whole lot going on anyway, especially before we got the Internet hooked up. Now that I'm finally back in touch with my contractors for freelance writing, I might find that my day is filling up quickly between doing work and practicing Spanish that a little extra assistance might be nice. But I doubt it.

But I've gained a new appreciation about how much work goes into keeping a house clean. The real reason women entered the workforce, I think, is based solely on the fact that housework is much more difficult than office work. I've done both now, and it really hasn't even been a contest. Then you figure in the whole added benefit of bringing in a paycheck as well and is it really a head-scratcher as to why women wanted out of the house?

We live in a fairly large home by our standards. There's a few rooms we never use. And we have no children, so looking over a house shouldn't be too great a task, you'd think.

Someone(s) had warned me that there is a lot of sand in Mexico, and it finds ways to your home no matter what you do.

And while I don't have a child to clean after, I do have a dog, and she leaves behind lots of hairs. Between the sand and dog hair, hardly a day goes by that I don't have the broom and dustpan in my hands for at least an hour.

And sometimes, I think Tiffy just likes to make more work for me. Here is her eating. Notice that she doesn't "hold over" her bowls. No, that would be too easy. Instead she takes a kibble or two out of the bowl at a time and chomps over the floor.

The other aspect of being a "home owner" is keeping a yard. There is a movement a foot that whenever a diplomat moves out, if he/she did not tend to the yard (or pay someone to do it for them) and it is either overgrown of burned out, the housing management company tears out the yard and either paves it (backyard) or fills it with rocks (front yard). Our front yard is full of rocks.

But we do have a grassy backyard, which equates to another couple hours of work for me each week with hedge clippers. There isn't enough grass to justify a lawn mower, and if I found a decent electric edger, I'd consider using that, but I've only seen gas edgers.

Then throw in laundry, dog walking, cooking and doing the dishes, and it isn't too hard to see how I fill most of my days.

It is a lot of work, but another part of the reason why I want to do it myself other than to fill my schedule is to take some ownership of this house. One of my first impressions of this place was "we just haven't lived here long enough to make this feel like our home as opposed to guests." One good way to not feel like a guest is to not have strangers come in every so often and do all of the cleaning for you. So far that is working, as I feel responsible for this place now.

And for all of that sand and all of that hair.

EFM: Elated For Milestone

Jan. 5 seems like a long time ago. But back then, about six and a half months ago, EF'M made its first appearance on the Internet. On this day in July, we celebrate the 100th post.

Traditionally, television shows would take the 100th episode off and just go through a clip-reel of past season highlights. But not here. No, sir. Nothing but new material.

In the spirit of celebration, I'll provide recount of Friday night - our first night out on the town in Hermosillo.

It all began innocent enough. We went out with a group of six other Americans to see a movie at the new theater in the new mall, only months old. It is a VIP cinema, so all of the seats are leather recliners, and they provide a wait staff to take food and drink orders.

An okay movie and just an okay overall experience. But at the price of less than $9 per ticket, I don't think I'll ever be able to attend a movie in the States again. Not even a matinee.

The other interesting part was watching an American movie - "Knight and Day," or in Mexico, "Encuentro Explosivo," which definitely is not a literal translation, though I give them credit for coming up with a better, more appropriate title - with Spanish subtitles. My Spanish is beyond bad, but even I could pick up on some of the unintended humor provided by the brief, simplified subtitles. For example, every curse, which pretty much was just "shit" was translated as "diablos." Diablos, of course, means "devils." Also, through out the entire movie, an incredulous Cameron Diaz is constantly saying "Oh my God." Translation: "cielo" or "heavens." But otherwise, I could see how watching enough movies and television with Spanish subtitles could be a helpful way to improve my Spanish.

Moving along, at this point, about half of the group called it a night, while the rest of us went out to a restaurant near the Consulate aptly called Casa Centenaria (a terrible Web site, by the way). Aptly named because of how it coincides so neatly with this my 100th posting. I couldn't have planned this myself.

The food was good, and for American standards, very inexpensive. I have been aching to have some authentic Mexican mole, but I probably should have stuck with this region's specialty and ordered a steak. That I will do next time.

But what really makes this place a gem is the atmosphere, which they fail to promote on the Web site. It was a little warm, but we sat in the walled-in, outdoor patio section, where they had a live jazz band, which was really good, especially the drummer. And I don't particularly care for jazz. And when they were taking breaks, they had a large screen projection of American music videos, which was mostly 70s and 80s rock. The highlight was a Muppets rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." This is required viewing.

Casa Centenaria also has an incredible selection of cocktails that always came out beautiful, as you can see them in Natalie's hand. I stuck to beer, however, because I got burned at the theater trying to order a beer, or at least what I thought was a beer that I had never tried before, and instead I got a beer-clam juice-tomato juice cocktail. Yuck!

Now it is starting to get late, and a few more of group head home leaving us with Natalie, myself, and one of our neighbors and we decide to go find a club. He took us to a relatively new place he had been wanting to check out, so we went to Classico.

Ladies get in free, and there was a 100-peso (12 pesos = $1, approximately) for the men, and we all got patted down and Natalie's purse was checked. The place was fairly dead, but due to the no cover situation, the women greatly outnumbered the men. And while I'm a married man, I don't mind saying more single American men need to visit Sonora.

There was a mixture of American and Latino music and is another place I'm sure we will go to again. The people were so friendly to us, especially one couple that came over and started talking to us in English (though the music was so loud the man might as well have been speaking in Spanish). He apologized for the club being empty saying Hermosillo usually isn't this boring but there was a big event going on this weekend at San Carlos, a beach a little more than an hours drive away. Then later in the night he tried to improve my poor dancing when I reminded him I'm a gringo. "There is no white here," he said. When you consider the current climate of American-Mexican relations with the Arizona racist approach to curbing illegal immigration, the Hermosillians I've met have earned high marks in civility.

But like all good things, the night had to come to an end at 2 a.m. when things close. And post number 100 is in the books. Here is to hoping I don't get canceled before post 200.

EFM: Essentially, a Fraction of a Man

Reality can be harsh. And in the past couple of days, I've learned that for reimbursement purposes, the government doesn't think much of me. I've always had my suspicions - hell, it is kind of the basis of this blog - but I found out exactly how the government views Extra Filing Management (EFM) - 75%.

Beginning with the black-hole period between June 30 (pack-out) and July 9 (exodus day), we will be existing in a state of purgatory sans a home. During this time, the government will be boarding us (thanks, taxpayers!) based on a rate in which Natalie counts as a whole person, and I count as 75% of a person.

And as an extra slap in the face, on July 1, the government will be reducing this per-diem reimbursement significantly. So June 30 will be a good day for us financially, but the remaining week or so will be a little bit tighter.

This is as good of a time as any other, I suppose, to point out the errors in the government's per diem philosophy. It is so faulty, in fact, that the government actually agrees with me.

When we check out of our hotel and start driving on July 9, the reimbursement/per diem policy changes.

In D.C., we get a lump sum per diem that covers food and shelter, which is determined on the rate that Natalie is a whole person and I'm only 75% of her. This is known as the predeparture subsistence expenses allowance, which is a piece of the greater foreign transfer allowance.

But as soon as we started heading in the direction of Hermosillo, we get switched to a second reimbursement rate, or as I like to call it, the one that actually makes sense. This is supposed to be covered in the Department of State Standardized Regulations (DSSR) section 925, but it isn't done very well, if at all. I'm not too sure what I'm reading in that section as the one thing worse than the government's use of acronyms is its use of jargon.

Instead of charging taxpayers for unknown lodging expenses, we have to keep hotel receipts and get reimbursed for actual expenditures. And then we also get a food per diem in which Natalie is a whole person and I get to eat 75% of what she eats. Though, when it comes to eating, Natalie is more like 25% of a person and I'm more in the range of 100% to 125%.

Fortunately, I'm older than 12, or I wouldn't count as a person. And, in the same vein, it is beneficial that we don't have any children. Anyone older than 12 after the first 75% of a person only counts as 50% of a person.

One Thing I Know (and a few thoughts)

Hand me a stone tablet; I have some information ready to be etched down.

On second thought, I've never used a chisel. The Internet will have to do.

We scheduled our pack-out day, and now I can lay claim to real knowledge as opposed to fool's knowledge. I know what day the movers are coming for our things.

Which, of course, could cause a problem. Because while we know when the contractors will bring the boxes, we don't know if Natalie will pass her Spanish exam on the first go around. We have a pretty good idea, but what we don't know.

It kind of makes me wonder who is writing the policies and guidelines of being a foreign service officer. I hope it is not the same people who are writing the policies and guidelines of foreign diplomacy.

By now, the world knows my disdain for the acronyms used during the moving process (I'm looking at you, UAB and HHE). Well, here is yet another aspect of moving that doesn't make any sense. Why do we need to schedule a pack-out day before we know when we are leaving (OK, we have a date, but it also is dependent on passing Spanish)? How does this make any sense?

I suppose "putting the cart before the horse" isn't considered a warning to proceed in logical order; rather, it is considered an instruction manual.

Anyway, I'm glad to have knocked out one practice run (at a friend's expense), so hopefully our turn will go smoothly...I think I just heard the collective foreign service community chuckle.

We do have the advantage of filling a car with the really, really important things, and we are in the process of adding a roof-top cargo container and rack on our compact sedan to compensate for the loss of our backseat for transporting Tiffy.

House Keeping Note:
When I first started this blog, I spent some time looking for other blogs to follow, and then added a few as they found me. In other words, I got lazy and content. While not necessarily one of my aims when I got started, I learned quickly that the foreign service has an extensive blogosphere, and it is a great way to learn from others and make contacts.

So I've added a lot of blogs to my follow list, and I figure that will continue to grow over the next few days. I'm mostly only adding and following other Entertaining, Functioning Manuscriptists (EFM-written blogs that get updated with some regularity...maybe an acronym was a bad idea there).

A special thanks to Life After Jerusalem for keeping such an extensive and well-organized list of bloggers. She provides a great tool for following other bloggers.

The Stay-at-Home Husband

FRASER, Col. - I've been doing this freelancing, work-from-home thing for about 10 weeks now, so this is as good as time as any to take a step back and evaluate.

Generally speaking, it has been a God-send. I have so much extra time to myself, it can be overwhelming at times trying to fill a day.

But that is not to say that being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband is not without its stresses. Sure, I can hardly tell the difference between Wednesday and Saturday (though I've worked out a system: If Natalie wakes up first, it is usually a weekday, and if I wake up first, it is usually a weekend), but I still enjoy the rest and relaxation a long weekend like Memorial Day provides.

And that was my not so subtle attempt to provide an excuse to post this picture of my view from my D.C. sister- and brother-in-law's Colorado home as I type this entry.


OK, enjoy that? I am. But back to the task at hand.

Being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband, or an Economically Feeble Money-provider (EFM), while offering more time to watch the History International Channel while preparing dinner, adds a bit to our financial stress.

By my estimates, I've earned about the same amount of income had I been employed this whole time, but getting my contractors to reimburse me in a timely manner has proven most difficult and frustrating. Which has caused me to spend parts of my day scouring the competition for freelance opportunities as well as a few other outlets.

The great unknown of when I'll get paid again as well as how much billable work I'll be able to do from week to week and month to month, especially while we're still living in Virginia, as been very stressful.

I'm not looking for sympathy. As I've said, I love not having to drive to an office and deal with people with whom I don't particularly like on a daily basis. I like being able to determine how I spend most of my day. I like being able to go to the post office and being the only customer.

So while I've gained a lot of perks, I think it is easily lost upon others that this newer life doesn't necessarily mean I'm living on Easy Street. Every time I hear, or induce, someone say something to the effect, "But you do nothing all day," I bristle and feel insulted.

I'm sure this stems from several things going on. For one, there is truth to the statement, which probably what makes it the most cutting. But there also is some judging and condescension that I don't appreciate. As I and others have discussed, in the United States at least, it isn't playing second fiddle to a woman's career.

So I don't feel guilty about needing a little R&R get-away in Colorado. And I definitely feel as though I've earned it.

EFM: Essential Furnishing - Maps

In my brief experiences, I've reached the conclusion that the foreign service community is obsessed with maps. Maps are essential to the foreign service. So much so that even some blogs incorporate maps in their layout. My knowledge of world geography has never been so honed as it is now.

It started with the bid list. Just as the header of DiploLife's blog depicts (other than the child part anyway), in preparation for the bid list, I went out and bought a huge world map. We spent our first hours with the bid list plotting cities we'd never heard of before. Nouakchott is really a place? And it is a capital city? Hmmm...(And to further prove my growing knowledge of world geography, I spelled that city correctly on the first try!)

A funny sidebar, at least to me. Within days of mapping all of the potential places we could go and hanging it by our door, our refrigerator broke down so we had the apartment come up and fix it. I wish I could have seen the utility man's expression when he saw our map with labels marking many cities in the Middle East, Central America and Mexico. He probably thought we were some sort of government-sponsored anti-terrorism group keeping track of training cells or something.

Flag Day comes and goes, and the next thing we need is a map of Mexico. That hangs above our computer, and I'm getting pretty good at knowing where all of the major cities are. At the same time, Natalie also picked up a world map of all foreign service posts.

About the same time as getting our Mexico map, we got a TomTom, because, as we understand it, it is the only GPS brand that has Mexican maps included without having to pay about $1,000 to upload new ones.

This is by far is my most favorite map that I've come across. A few weeks ago, doing some banking took me to the Capitol South Metro stop, so I thought I'd spend some time at the Library of Congress. I spent some time in the Periodicals section hoping to read an 1844 copy of the Philadelphia Inquirer from one of their special collections, but I didn't get to enjoy that experience. So I thought I'd try my luck at the Maps section where I asked to see maps of Mexico and Texas from 1848, which are hard to come by because Texas wasn't a state yet.

In particular, I wanted to see maps of the American-Mexican War, and the Library assistant was able to provide me the actual battle maps drawn by the American generals. I was giddy in my nerdiness. But while I was most fascinated by the generals' maps, I found the lithographs, like that one done after the Battle of Monterrey, to be the most visually appealing. You probably can't tell from this photo of the map, but there are numbers and a key that tell you what the landmarks in the map are. I think I need to order copies of some of these lithographs from the Library, which is a service it provides.

With our packout day on the horizon, and our AAA membership approaching an end, my task for today is go to AAA to pick up maps of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, and Mexico, if they have any. Not just for the drive to post, but we figured if we feel the need to get out of Mexico for a long weekend or something, these will be the areas will be visiting.

Maps - learn to read them and understand them because they are your friends. Sure, they're simple and old and the Internet with its Map Quests and Google Map have a come a long way to replace maps, or at least digitlize them, but a good paper map is key. Besides, everyone in the foreign service is doing it.

A Friday Two-fer

Yesterday was a busy day, so you're getting two items for the price of one!

Pack-out Practice
I did our good friend Al (from the cleverly named "You Can Call Me Al" blog) a favor by letting the movers come in his place and start packing while he was at Frustrating Scheduling Inconvenience (FSI). I also did Al the disfavor of not knowing what was going on, and thankfully he arrived before it was too late.

Without going into too much detail, let's just say his summer clothes wouldn't have arrived a little later than his winter clothes, and he is going to Belize in a few weeks. I doubt hilarity would have ensued, but at least he will have three ice scrapers! (Al, three ice scrapers for Belize?)

Being a local hire, I haven't had the benefit of experiencing a pack-out yet, so this was a good trial run for me, and fortunately, Al was able to correct my mistakes.

That said, the obvious flaws of the system were apparent. The terms UAB and HHE are grossly inefficient. The movers just want to get everything in boxes, and with a couple of them working at once against one inexperienced me, I was destined to do a shoddy job. Sorry Al, and I think it only fair that when Natalie and I visit you in Belize, we will pack some winter clothes, too.

Also, don't bother stocking up on aerosol cans and cleaning supplies, but the movers can't pack that stuff.

Hermosillo Group Re-convenes, sort of
Back in February, a sizable contingent headed to Hermosillo met for lunch so we get all spend a little time to get the first greetings out of the way.

Yesterday, we reconvened with a few exceptions. We lost some members who have left already for post, and we picked up a few newbies. And thirdly, one of our members got transferred to Merida. Obviously, life isn't fair.

I was blind-sided a little when one of the new faces announced that she reads EF'M (thanks for the reference Travel Orders.) I've enjoyed blogging so far, but largely, I've been writing to a faceless audience. For me, at least, it becomes more daunting as I meet readers. I think I hold back a little when I know someone can call me out.

If nothing else, at least we appear to have a good group assembling in Hermosillo. It's only been a single meeting in most cases, but everyone seems pleasant enough, and I'm not just saying that because I know at least one might stop by and read this...or am I? You'll never know, now that I might be pulling a few more punches!

EFM: Escaping Fiscal Madness

Apparently there has been some sort of housing bubble burst the past couple of years.

We haven't been property owners, land hunters, homeowners, etc., so other than noticing a few more "For Sale" signs during Tiffy's excretion expeditions, and a lot of news coverage, the housing market has not affected us.

That kind of changed yesterday. We received a notice from Charles E. Smith's henchmen stating there is a situation with our lease for which we need to meet with someone in management to discuss.

So we go down to the lobby and meet with a manger fresh out of college who also was visibly nervous. We go into an office, and he starts into an explanation that there is going to be a significant rent bump for us when our lease ends and it is because more people are moving into apartments to get out of the housing market, etc.

He was flushed; he was struggling with his words and computer program has he was looking for the data pertinent to our lease. So I nudge Natalie to tell her to put an end to this and tell him we're leaving anyway. Natalie, the sadist, was content to watch him squirm a little longer. I think he was relieved to find out we didn't really care about the rent increase.

We have been fortunate in that our lease is scheduled to end right about the same time we are suppose to move. Obviously, I didn't plan this out because it never would have worked this well. And if Natalie were to come up short of scoring a 3/3 on her Spanish exam and we need to stay a month longer, the Smith henchman agreed to keep our current rent rate in tact for us.

So what would the damage have been if we were not in the foreign service? Well, we probably would have commenced a search for a new apartment. They were going to up our rate by $300 per month ($400 for a new resident). Taking utilities into account, we would have been paying in the neighborhood of $2,000 per month for a one-bedroom, 1,800ish sq. ft. apartment in Crystal City.

To put this into perspective, that is about $48k per year for shelter. That is a salary, or more, for many people! Before I moved to D.C., I was renting a trailer in southeast Ohio, with two bedrooms, one bath and a large kitchen, for $365 per month.

Suddenly a free house in Hermosillo, or anywhere in the world for that matter, is very appealing (thank you, taxpayers!).

EFM: Enjoying Frigid Mornings

This morning in Crystal City as I took Tiffy on her excretion expedition, it was about 45F...in May!

And this on the heels of a weekend that was in the 60s with 100mph winds, give or take 80mph.

Natalie is pissed off. She wants summer to get here. But I'm loving it.

Sure, it is a little cold out this morning, but I'm enjoying it while I can. As our friends over at Simmons Says pointed out last week, it already has cleared 100 in Monterrey. And according to this picture from wikitravel, which was taken at 10 p.m. in May, I can expect that, or worse, in Hermosillo. Ugh.

I can deal with living in an isolated city such as Hermosillo. I can deal with living in a land in which a minority of the population speak English. I can deal with the whole job issue. But I don't do heat very well.

So of course Hermosillo is in the Sonoran Desert.

Constrastingly, Natalie loves heat; she can't get enough of it. For example, and this is a true story, a few years ago we were visiting her cousins, who are loyal EF'M readers by the way, in the Dallas area in August. (Actually, more of the Bryan Station area, but I figure most know where Dallas is).

It was a cozy 80 degrees there...inside the house. And after spending five minutes outside, that 80-degree-air-conditioned home felt chilly.

So we went to a water park one afternoon, and the heat index was something to the tune of 115F. And Natalie had goosebumps! How is that even physically possible? Goosebumps in 115F? Granted, we were about two stories up to go down a water slide and our bodies were wet, but still.

Yeah, Natalie is excited for the Hermosillo heat. Me, not so much, so Mother Nature, feel free to hold off on summer in D.C. for a few more weeks, or longer.

FSI: Foreign Service Infiltrated!

By me. I packed my lunch the night before, put on my State Department Mexican-American flag pin, and snuck into Free Studies Inside (FSI) like I was one of them. By "snuck in" I mean I went through the hoops of getting my name on a list, going through a metal detector and wearing my special badge stating I'm not to be trusted and must be accompanied at all times. I'm so dangerous. It was a real undercover operation.

Perhaps a more accurate depiction is that I was dragged there by my wife to attend a Mexican area studies course. Whenever Natalie comes home from work on Tuesdays complaining about how hard FSI training is, I now can remind her that I sat through three hours of area studies with her, so I know better.

The three-hour course began with student presentations on Mexican culture. By the way, is "students" the right term? It feels like a high school campus at FSI. The presenters were good. Very good. Of course, it helped that they were talking about politics and the American-Mexican War, two of my favorite topics, as opposed to say jewelry making or famous Mexican artists.

Looks like we'll be there for their next presidential election, which could see a new party (well, an old party with new leadership) rising to power. That should make for some excitement. They only have presidential elections every six years (and no such thing as a second term), so I feel fortunate to get to experience another country's political process.

The next two hours represented the reason Natalie thought it was important I attended. Three wives of Mexican diplomats working at the Mexican embassy in Washington came in to do a little Q&A about living in their homeland.

What they described is kind of how I picture America in the 1950s or the rural America of the 1980s...I'm not really sure what I mean by that either.

Close-knit families where it is totally fine to live with your parents until you get married. Families that live in the same towns/region for generations. A culture that is a big on chivalry and low on being PC. (In Mexico, everyone with light skin is a gringo, no offense. And anyone with squinted eyes, no matter how slight, are chinos, which I find hilarious because apparently some of the indigenous peoples are called chinos because of their eyes.)

Following up on the point of chivalry, in which men hold doors for women, etc., one of the female FSOs felt impelled to ask how the local populace would view her soon-to-be-unemployed Esposo Fearing Mockery (EFM). I thought this a valid question, though the three panelists laughed it off stating that all of the men in Mexico will be jealous of him. I think that might be half of what they are thinking, but given some of the other things they said, I would be surprised if there isn't some judging.

In general, this panel session was a bit reassuring because there wasn't much new information for me. Which means I've been good about digging up information on Mexico.

EFM: Entering a Filosophical Mood

Sorry about the headline, but I felt like cheating today. For the record, I know it is "ph."

Being home all day, no matter how busy I try to keep myself, ultimately leaves ample time to be alone with my thoughts. And one of the lectures I covered in Boston has been weighing heavy on my mind, and it seems pertinent for people in our fold.

This lecture was given in the context of preparing eye surgeons how to inform a patient and/or the patient's family that there was an error during surgery.

The speaker explained that delivering bad news is difficult for people to do because it makes the messenger uncomfortable. In the case of surgeons, the message is hard to deliver because it means they have to admit they made mistake or something went wrong under their watch.

And as we continue to peel away to the center of the matter, admitting a mistake is difficult because it means we have to grapple with the concept that something we were certain to be true was confronted with a situation or evidence that proves that belief is wrong.

In psychology, this is known as cognitive dissonance. The speaker explained that when faced with these situations, it is human nature to deny the new evidence exists, rationalize away the new evidence or reinterpret that evidence to fit into our previously held beliefs. This is part of human nature because much in the way our body responds in dangerous situations to protect itself, our brain also reacts in a manner to protect our psyche and self esteem.

It doesn't take a philosopher to see how cognitive dissonance relates to the foreign service. I don't think it takes a great leap of faith to say that in order to enjoy this lifestyle, a foreign service officer and his/her family that is more capable to cope with cognitive dissonance will strive in this lifestyle.

I imagine that along this journey, which starts in Mexico but then who knows, we will have preconceived convictions and deeply held beliefs challenged by what we see and experience.

Now we just have to be ready to admit that we thought to be true was wrong.

EFM: Excessive Frivolities, Maids

Hope you enjoyed "Upon Further Review" Week. I might pull use that method again after I've arrived at post to see how my views have changed.

One view of mine that could definitely change is the topic of domestic employees, or hired help, or maids, or whatever you want to call them.

As we began sharing the news that we were entering the foreign service, the few people who knew what that meant congratulated me on the life they figured this meant for me: Natalie goes to work at foreign embassies and consulates; I lounge about in a life of luxury as our maids cook and clean around me.

Well, I never saw that in the brochure. And quite honestly, it is not a life I would want.

I'm from the Midwest (sorta). I never knew anyone who had a weekly maid service, let alone a live-in maid. And I grew up in a fairly opulent suburb of Cincinnati. Maids and servants were more of a Victorian ideal than a reality to me.

Little has changed for me. I'm still uneasy with the idea of a maid, live-in or otherwise. For one, I like cooking, so I don't want to give that up. Secondly, the idea of a stranger washing my underwear seems odd and invasive. Finally, we don't have any children, so it isn't like I need help with the household chores because there are kids to feed, entertain, change and observe.

As more and more information filtered down to us, reliable or not, I came under the impression that there is a level of expectation that American diplomats hire local help as a way to support the local economy.

So I've been tussling with a way to reconcile my preconceptions of what having hired help will be like with my preconceptions of what is expected of us in terms of being American diplomats on foreign soil.

I definitely could use a little help when we arrive in Mexico. For example, I probably could use some help with Spanish and local customs. And while I would not want to give up the cooking duties, it would be great to learn how to make Sonoran cuisine from someone who knows the ins and outs. And driving in a foreign country doesn't sound like much fun either. (Side story: I studied Mandarin in college, and one of my teachers related to us how shocked she was to see that Americans voluntarily follow traffic laws. I've heard similar stories about several other countries, that traffic laws or more of suggestions.)

Then again, if these preconceived notions that diplomats out to hire local domestic employees are unfounded, then I'd much rather not have to put myself through this. (Though Natalie disagrees. She likes the idea of not having to do laundry.)

So I will pose the question: What are the expectations regarding hiring locals to give back to the community? I imagine, like everything else in the foreign service, it varies from country to country, from post to post. But are there any guidelines?

Another Weekend, Another Dateline

BOSTON - If I had a twitter account, I suppose I would say something like: "workin in boston. gr8 city, but 2 cold n April. miss DCs 90s already" (though that would be a lie; I am going to die in the Hermosillo heat).

And if I were on the facebook monster, and saw one of my friends posting this, I'd probably hit whatever buttons send this message: EF'M likes it.

Isn't online networking connecting us! (By the way, I refuse to recognize online networking as social networking, because I think this is an oxymoron...there really isn't any socializing going on.)

Alas, I'll move on. I'm in Boston covering a five-day long eye surgeon conference, and back when I was a full-time employee, these were the highlights of the year. Big city, expensive hotels, food allowances, time off from walking Tiffy, and daily deadlines. Adds up to a great change of pace from the dull office life.

A couple of years ago, this was my idea of traveling. I'd cover at least two conferences every year, usually in Chicago or San Francisco though I've been to most of the largest cities in the country for these conferences including New Orleans (post-Katrina), Las Vegas, San Diego, Atlanta and now Boston.

The real treats were the rarer international conferences, which sent me to London and Jamaica.

I thought I was spoiled to get to go to these locations. Now it all seems a little dull. I spent the past five years getting to see the country through work, and now I'll get to start seeing the world through Natalie's work.

When I started with this magazine, I really never knew what cool things I would see in the different cities of this country. And that was kind of exciting. Especially on the first day of arriving in that city. Of course, there also were the times when I realized I forgot to bring my hotel information or my dress socks or the time I got food poisoning or some sort of nasty virus and ended up in a hospital in downtown SanFran with an IV drip in a bed next to woman on a crack high or something complaining about a broken leg. So it wasn't always great either.

I get to experience that excitement again on an entirely different level as I can't even began to anticipate what will await us in Hermosillo, let alone where ever we get sent to next. At the same time, the trepidation also is exponentially greater as well as forgetting dress socks seems to pale in comparison to some of the other hardships I've seen in the news or read in other blogs.

Boston is my U.S. city victory lap; my final conference hurrah. There are still some regions I'd like to visit and sites I'd like to see, but when it comes to the United States, I feel like I can say, "Been there, done that."

EFM: Evading the Facebook Monster

While catching up on reading the blogs listed in the left-hand column, I saw on another blog that I was six days old. Oops!

Truth is I've been busy entertaining as my mother was in town for a few days, and I'm getting ready to be in Boston for almost a week for work (first time I've used the phrase "for work" in a long, long time...and I don't like it).

But while it says I've been absent six days, it really has felt much longer than that. I'm out of rhythm. And I don't know what to write about as I've also been out of the foreign service loop for most of a week.

So I've decided to ease myself back into the routine by bringing back my old nemesis, technology.

Going all the way back to day one, I've been outspoken of my hesitancy to embrace technology. It's nothing personal against technology; it's just that the new stuff tends to be expensive and doesn't really seem to offer that much benefit for the price. When the latest and greatest becomes more mainstream and more affordable, that is when I make my move.

facebook (with a lowercase "f") is free. But you won't find me on it. Ever. I'm not on Linkedin, either. Yet. twitter (with a lowercase "t"; what is it with online networking and fear of capital letters?)? Forget it. No chance in hell.

I don't get these Web sites, especially the lower-cased duo of facebook and twitter. Linkedin at least feigns some professional usage, and between that and the fact there is a foreign service spouse network thingy, I can see myself joining.

twitter is the bane of my existence. Does everyone who uses this service suffer from such illusions of grandeur that they think their friends/family/unknown followers care about what they are doing every moment of the day?

As for the facebook monster, I think it is the gateway drug to twitter. The cult of celebrity has made us all too willing to overexpose ourselves on the Internet.

I do see a little irony that I bemoan the voluntary sacrificing of privacy and my writing a blog. But let's be honest. This blog is only a little about me. Other than a picture, limited biographical info and the fact that you can relate to me as a fellow foreign service spouse, you don't know much about me.

I stopped by facebook as I was writing this to steal a logo or something (it also has been a while since I've used any art). And I found this expression: "Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life." (Interesting they chose to capitalize facebook in this sentence; probably because it is the first word, or they don't adhere to their own style.)

Perhaps, but so does e-mail, phone calls, postcards, and <gasp> letters. If anything, I'd argue all of those other methods are better at connecting and sharing with the people in your life because you will be connecting and sharing while enjoying a little bit of privacy. A little privacy will give you the peace of mind to share more intimately than anything that ought to posted on the Internet.

What facebook is good at is allowing you to connect with the people that, more likely than not, you made the decision to disconnect from your life. Sure, sometimes that decision is made gradually overtime, but if you really wanted to keep in touch with your grade school crush, chem lab partner or a college acquaintance, you would call or e-mail occasionally. Right?

I've read enough of other's thoughts on facebook to know that many will disagree with my sentiments. And maybe when I'm living elsewhere and phone-communication is more infrequent, perhaps I might be swayed. For one thing, while many complain about parents finally learning how to use facebook, I think this actually is a benefit as fewer people are posting embarrassing and/or incriminating photos as in the early days.

Time will tell, but don't waste your time looking to friend me because as far as facebook and its ilk is concerned, I don't exist.

EFM: Exhausted From Mini Marathon

CINCINNATI-I know I rail against some of the absurdity of government jargon and lingo, but here is a quickie against my own trade. See the start of this posting, with Cincinnati in caps? That is called a dateline. It means I'm writing this while in Cincinnati, but it doesn't include a date. Wouldn't location line make more sense?

Enough journalism insider jokes. For the first time since its inception, EF'M has hit the road. Obviously, this is the start of a roving blog.

I'm in the 'Nati for the weekend to run the 33rd annual Cincinnati Mini Marathon & Heart Walk. (All proceeds, $1.2 million, went to the American Heart Association.)

This also is home for me. I grew up across the river where I also attended high school, so this trip also was probably my final homecoming before we leave for Hermosillo, though we will stop here en route.

It was good to see my friends, even though we watched the University of Kentucky Wildcats lose in the Elite Eight of the Tourney (which concludes my NCAA basketball coverage until next March) and visit my family.

And then, of course, there was the run...15 kilometers up and down hills along the river (the Ohio, for the geographically-challenged) on Columbia Parkway. I hadn't been training the way I should've been, but was happy to finish in about 1:22 (haven't checked official results, yet).

Some day, I'd like to run a marathon, you know, just to say I ran a marathon. (Historical side bar: Lots of people run marathons, but I wonder how many know how the very first marathon ended? Let's just say the runner [there was only one runner] didn't fare particularly well. He ran the distance, yelled "Nike" [translation, "Victory," well played shoe company], and died. Why do so many people feel the need to do run this distance?)

I don't know how much running I'm going to get to do in Hermosillo. When the summer rolls around (let's call it June-August), I'll have 80 reasons not to run. Those reasons are the average low in Fahrenheit during that time of the year. Also, the thought of running through a country I don't know, where they speak a language I'm struggling to learn and where my gringo-ness will stick out potentially making me a target, I might need to find some alternative way of exercising.

There is a country club, and I don't mind running on the treadmill, but I've never tried running further than a 10k on a machine. It gets too boring to run much longer than that, in my opinion.

No doubt, I'll figure something out, but this is one of those lesser known challenges/sacrifices we make in this lifestyle.

And now I'll be signing out from Cincinnati.

The Official Unofficial Acronym Chart 2.0

So about two months ago, I attempted to smooth out some of the Foreign Service's clunky acronyms by translating them into meaningful terms.

Since then, I realized a few typos, a few errors and a few omissions that needed to be added.

Before looking over the changes, let me explain my problems with the acronyms.

First, some of them are just nonsensical. I've already bemoaned the use of UAB and HHE as terms to denote two shipments of our things to post. Yes, I get it that it does make a difference what you send UAB and what you send HHE because of weight restrictions and when things arrive. But my complaint is that these terms seem arbitrary. Unaccompanied Air Baggage (UAB)? Isn't everything I receive at post after I get there unaccompanied? Househould Effects (HHE)? Aren't all of my possessions household effects? Hence my recommendation they just call them First Shipment and Second Shipment. At least that implies some semblance of approximate arrival time.

Secondly, despite what A Daring Adventurer might think, I tried to simplify these acronyms down to the nitty gritty. (ADA, thanks, as always, for the link.) In other words, while FSI stands for the Foreign Service Institute, what does the institute do for foreign service families. So instead of trying to remember what the institute provides, I figured I cut to the chase and oversimplify it in three or so words.

Finally, my last complaint about acronyms is that some oversimplify in three or so words. I rail against Eligible Family Member because it attempts to group all of us into a pretty little package. I like individualism too much to be fine with EFM.

So, without further ado, here is the newer, longer, (more offensive?) version of the Official Unofficial Chart of Foreign Service Acronyms. Version 2.0.

Blogging about Blogging

I realize most of you don't care about college basketball, the Naranjeros or the comparing and contrasting of Mount Vernon and Monticello.

I knew this when I wrote those pieces, and the general lack of comments left behind after them confirmed this.

Yet, I'll continue to post occasionally about college basketball, particularly after the University of Kentucky Wildcats win the championship in a couple of weeks, my experiences watching the Naranjeros when that day comes and whatever tourist destinations inspire me to write.

Sorry, but it is going to happen. Part of my rationalizing for this kind of decision making is that I'm selfish. To borrow from our good friends at The Perlman Update, "I write because it's cheaper than therapy."

The other reason I selfishly write about topics I know you don't care about is that if this blog gets boring to me, then I won't post as often, or at all. Also, blogging will feel more like a job, which will result in some poorly written postings that I'm throwing together for the sake of writing something.

I came to this realization after several incidents where Natalie would suggest something that happened would make for a good blog posting. Maybe it would; maybe it wouldn't. But I didn't find those events to either be interesting enough to me, or within the scope of what I try to blog about, chiefly what it is like to be married to a foreign service officer.

One of my favorite sports columnists, Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons of ESPN, oftentimes will write about the NBA. If I read any of these columns, which I usually don't, I skim through them quickly. Other Sports Guy readers complain he writes too much about the NBA, and I was inclined to agree. I'd much rather read his thoughts on baseball, football or popular culture.

It wasn't until turning down Natalie's blog-topic suggestions so many times that I gained a little appreciation for what Simmons must deal with on a daily basis from a larger audience. Sure, it might be a good idea, but I'm going to write about what I want to write about because if the topic isn't interesting to me, then how can I write it in a way that is interesting to anyone else?

So keep writing about the NBA, Bill Simmons. I likely will continue to ignore those columns, but if writing those columns means you will continue to write fascinating, well-thought and entertaining columns about topics I do want to read, then by all means.

And so I ask you to be patient with me on some of my interests, so that when I do finally get around to writing about something that is of consequence to the larger Expat Friends of Mine (EFM) community, it will be a better piece.

Jobs vs. Careers

Many of you directed your comments yesterday about my perception of being an Emasculated Form of a Man (EFM) to a grander view of self worth and employment, which is fine because that is where I was headed today anyway. The two are definitely linked; I was just highlighting my opinion that I think it might be especially hard on men given social norms and some of the data.

I also need to give a special Clairvoyancy Award to the authors of I'll take mine...to go, please! for using the actual phrasing of jobs and careers, because that is exactly what I was planning on covering today.

(A quick aside: Thank you to all who included overly generous, flattering remarks in your comments.)

The instructors at Free Studies Inside (FSI; by the way, three courses, eight or so instructors, and all have been women...OK, OK, I'll let it go now) were kind enough to us on Friday to no sugarcoat the facts. Even those of us fortunate enough to have portable careers are going to arrive at a post where we will be unemployed.

According to their November 2009 data, 2,470 (25%) EFMs worked inside the mission (which is somewhat Christian-speak for the U.S. government building at post); 1,295 (13%) worked outside the mission; and 5,978 (62%) were unemployed. Within that last group, about half would've liked to been employed.

Here is some more interesting data regarding employment that I couldn't really find a place for, so I will unceremoniously throw it at you now. The State Department breaks the world into regions: Africa (AF), East Asia Pacific (EAP), Europe (EUR), Near East Asia (NEA), South Central Asia (SCA) and the Western Hemisphere (WHA).

Childcare is so expensive in Europe and the Western Hemisphere that many EFMs opt for unemployment because it makes more sense financially, and so those to regions have higher unemployed EFM rates at 66% and 65%, respectively. Also at the bottom (66%) is East Asia Pacific due to the fact that it is illegal for EFMs to work in several of those countries including China, Thailand, and more. Near East Asia and South Central Asia both are higher than average (53% and 47% unemployed, respectively) because both of those regions have many unaccompanied tours, so unless the EFM is working at the mission/post, they aren't coming anyway. Finally, Africa with 48% unemployment gets mad props for doing the most to provide work for interested EFMs, and have a better unemployment rate to show for it.

But what kind of work are EFMs finding?

The FSI instructors admitted that most of the mission work is clerical, so unless your previous career was a secretary/office manager/or whatever the going PC term is these days, you are working a job and not necessarily furthering your career.

But there are some career paths that offer some hope, especially for those who work in the local economy, which is foreign service speak for working outside the mission/post. For example, about 400 EFMs were able to find work teaching, which represents about a third of EFMS working outside the mission.

I fall into the next largest group, which is freelancing (189 EFMs also found this kind of work), though I also overlap a bit into telecommuting (84 EFMs did this) because I'm freelancing for an American company. There are freelancing jobs in the local economies.

Lawyers and medical workers also find employment, though the problem here is that American certification does not always transfer to the post.

Throw in some military jobs, non-government organizations and international organizations that pretty much is all that is available in the local economies.

What, your career is not represented in that group?

For the creative and entrepreneurial type, you can create your own business; 141 EFMs took this route last year. Lest we forget, there were 9,743 EFMs last year in all, so this apparently is a difficult undertaking. But, in my opinion (and was shared by one of the instructors), this seems to be the most secured way to have a career no matter where you are posted.

And finally, there is the volunteering option. But this comes with an often overlooked caveat. While volunteering can be personally rewarding, our instructors suggested that we should be more selective in these endeavors that Americans usually tend to be. In other words, search for volunteering options that you can use to further your career for when you return to the States.

That's right, we will be coming back to the States, and there is no reason we should be putting ourselves at competitive disadvantages because we were accommodating to our Federally-employed Significant Others (FSOs) and not looking out for our own interests, too.

I don't think this can be stressed enough. There will be tours in Washington, D.C., and many of us will not be able to afford this city on one government salary. Or perhaps after doing a few tours, your family decides to either take a break or leave the foreign service life altogether. Then what? You just spent the past 10 years or whatever making yourself less marketable.

It is imperative upon us to keep our own career goals on task because we will not be getting much, if any, help from anyone else.

That ends this rant, and as a reward for your patience, I'll update the Official Unofficial Chart of Acronyms in the coming days to cover all of the new gems I picked up from my FSI courses.