EFM: Evidence For Moods

If you were reading through the comments in the first part of the leaky ceiling story, the last one on there might have seemed like an overreaction.

In actuality, I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! was responding to a comment I had left on another blog. To quote Shannon from Cyberbones:

You know that handy little chart that floats around diagramming the stages of acceptance at a new post? If you are not FS it goes something like this: honeymoon, depression, resigned acceptance, happiness. Well I completely skip the honeymoon period everytime.

I added her comment section that my honeymoon period is over and I feel stuck in the depression. (Not to worry, family, that is an overstatement. This is not a call for help.) I also asked for a copy of said schematic. Well, ask and you will receive, which is where I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! came to the rescue. (And thank you very much for that!)

OK, so first off, how did Natalie spend from September 2009 through June 2010 in A-100 (introduction to the foreign service, essentially) and Federally Supervised Instructions (FSI) without ever receiving a copy of this thing? How did I attend three or four FSI courses and never receive this thing? Sure, learning about how to seat guests at a state dinner is a skill I use everyday, but in hindsight, I wish they offered a course on coping with cultural adaptation instead of etiquette.

So moving across the chart, I didn't really have the pre-departure ups and downs. I wasn't excited about pack-out day or living in a hotel for 10 days, but it had no bearing on my emotional well-being.

I definitely enjoyed an initial honeymoon stage, or as I like to think of it, becoming accustomed to this awesome house - leaky roof aside. But after about a week or so, I began to slip into what the chart refers to as culture shock/acute homesickness. I don't know if those words feel appropriate for what I was actually feeling or not, but you get the picture. The emotional well-being red line dipped.

(Important case study note, in which I'm the case study: The chart, while cool and scientific looking, is a generalization. In my particular case, I think my honeymoon and culture shock stages were more intertwined and instead of a nice smooth curvy line, mine is more jagged with more ups and downs. Even in the culture shock area, there are still good days; it's just that the bad days are a little more intense than bad days back home and a little more frequent.)

So because FSI has failed us all by its lack of cultural adaptation class, I'll offer my four lessons from my own struggles.

1. I wish I would have been more studious in learning Spanish. This is 100% my fault, and I accept the blame, but that isn't helping much right now. I've been using the Stone a bit more (still don't particularly like it), and Spanish class is to commence soon at the Consulate. I hope ironing out this inability-to-communicate wrinkle will make life here better, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in this basket.

2. Speaking of eggs in a single basket, I wish I wasn't so reliant on a single client for my freelance work. The problem with working with this magazine - other than the fact that the editor holds a personal grudge against me - is that both the editor and publisher are lousy communicators and fear confrontations. So are they not responding to my e-mails because they are angry with me, are just being lazy about hitting the respond button, or do they just not want to tell me they think my story ideas suck? Another situation in which I saw the red flags before coming here, but I decided to leave it all to chance that it would work out.

3. I miss my stuff. I'm not really a possessions-oriented person, but I miss my coffee pot, food processor, toaster and/or toaster oven and cookbooks. I also miss our DVD player, DVDs (and VHS tapes) and books. I feel like Steve Martin from The Jerk. "I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray...And this paddle game ... And that's all I need. I don't need one other thing, not one...I need this." (And yes, that is my second movie reference in as many posts.) So I wish we had better planned our air freight.

4. This is the big one - managing expectations. I'd like to say I came here with no expectations. I thought I was coming here with no expectations. But after the first couple of weeks here, I found myself saying to myself, "This is not what I expected," so I must have expected something, right?

I had heard Hermosillo described as a small town within a big city. I really have no idea what that means. But I grew up in a small town. I went to college and had my first jobs in a small town. Hermosillo is not a small town by any stretch of the imagination. In a small town, you can count the number of stoplights on two hands or less. In a small town, there is two or three main roads that go no further than two miles without leaving the city limits. In a small town, you can live anywhere and still walk to what the locals refer to as its downtown.

Hermosillo has almost a million people here (some anticipate that the 2010 census will push past 1 million). Sure, there aren't any skyscrapers like in big U.S. cities, but a small town has like 50,000 people at most, not a million. And it is spread out. There are a couple of downtownish shopping areas, but none in walking distance from where we live. Not that you would want to walk in this heat anyway, but still.

In truth, having seen a few pictures of our home before we arrived, I didn't have high expectations for it, so I was pleasantly surprised when we got here. The few descriptions I had of Hermosillo had me expecting something else, and given my current standing on the emotional well-being line, I guess that wasn't such a pleasant surprise.

But with any luck and some hard work, will be getting the rest of our stuff soon and I'll get a better grasp on Spanish. And maybe the working situation will improve - it seems to ebb and flow. And after some time, I'll get used to this version of a "small town." For starters, just having this chart bumped up my emotional well-being line. It was refreshing to know that this is such a common experience there is a scientific-looking chart to describe it.

Selling Out, or Buying In?

There has been a slight change to the look of this corner of the World Wide Web; one that made Natalie gasp. "How did you get corporate sponsorship?" I signed up for it through Google. "How much did it cost?" Nothing.

It cost nothing in terms of money, that is. Maybe a little pride. But hey, I hear there is a lot of money to make on this whole Internet thing, so I thought I'd dip my toe into the water and see how that is done.

So hoila, Google AdSense is now part of this blog.

And in about one year, if I'm lucky, I'll earn like $10. But hey, that can buy a taco dinner for two here.

In all honesty, I signed up for AdSense and Amazon Associates because I was curious how these things worked. Because in an ideal situation, eventually I'd like to try and create my own Internet-based business. That is part of the reason I started this blog to begin with - to get an idea of what foreign service people are reading about, writing about and want to know.

For the mean time, I'm happy (sorta) with just doing the freelance writing thing and running this blog. It would be nice, however, to reduce or drop the freelance thing altogether and focus solely on my own Internet business. The appeal of such a system is that I won't have to be reliant on other people's table scraps to find work, and the Internet, so I've been told, can be access all over the world.

So in the mean time, I'm dabbling a little bit into these little ads to get a better idea on how they work. Feel free to ignore them at your leisure (hope my advertisers didn't read that). And I'll be keeping an eye on them to make sure they aren't promoting a product I'd never use. For example, I already have set to filter any Get Rich Fast Scheme ads as well as dating and sexually explicit ads.

But if I see an ad pop up for say, Verizon, then I'm canceling this thing. Or Papa John's. Those two companies find themselves on the wrong end of my do-not-endorse list.

I have a little less control with the AdSense than with the Amazon Associates, at least as far as I can tell from my first day of these things. Google sells my space for fractions of a penny to the highest bidder, and the bidders will be people who think their products somehow match up with what kind of content I'm providing. Good luck with that.

With Amazon, while I'm typing away, there is a little search box on my right that I can type in my own topic, and it will provide some search results that I can then link to. Then if someone clicks on that link to buy said product, I get a little something back. I opted for a couple of books from the "for Dummies" series because I had used one of them to teach myself a little about HTML, and it seemed pretty useful. I officially endorse these books.

I also added an Amazon search box in the lefthand column, though I don't think I collect any royalties if you use it. As far as I know, it is just a service I'm providing for you, my readers, and the good people at Amazon, which, as many of us have or will learn, is an essential online shopping tool. And no, Amazon didn't pay me to say that (though if they feel grateful, they know how to reach me - wink, wink, nod, nod).

So there you have it. That is why I look like I'm selling out. If you don't like it, let me know, and if enough complaints come in, I'll consider dropping the ads, but in the meantime, I think I've raised $0.00005 so far. Talk about a get rich quick scheme!

Visa (...yawn...) Speak

You'd think foreign service officers - getting to travel around the world and having such different backgrounds and all - would be interesting people. Coming up on our first month here, I'm becoming a bit concerned.

Almost whenever I go out with Natalie and a group of her colleagues, inevitably the conversation starts to head toward work. Then after about 20 minutes of I-275 (not a highway near Cincinnati, by the way) and 214b, I feel myself slipping into a coma.

On one particular evening, I think I sat through any where between two to four hours of such talk. I couldn't fall asleep that night because I had just spent the evening sleeping with my eyes open. Something I always thought was just an expression to describe boredom, but no, it really is possible.

Now granted, most of the officers here are on their first post, so they have less travels to discuss. But still, we're talking about at least 25 years of life experiences to share, and instead they opt to talk about the guy who shows up for a visitation visa with his "concubine" and their children. (Actually, that was one of the more interesting ones, but it is like a five-minute story or less to tell. Now imagine enough of those five-minute stories to drag in access of two hours. I'm drifting away just starting to think about it.)

Sometimes given the option of meeting up for drinks in the evening or staying home by myself, the latter is more appealing.

Spouses, what do you do? Do you just glaze over and nurse the drink in your hand (or start drinking more)? Do you attempt to hijack the conversation into something interesting? Or is this interesting to you and I'm just being a jerk? Or this is boring to you, and I'm still just being a jerk?

Not having a television, I can deal with. Being relatively isolated, I can deal with. Missing some of the familiar luxuries the States offer, I can deal with. An unforeseeable future of conversations about visa applicants, I cannot deal with. Please tell me this is just because everyone here is relatively new to the foreign service and this post.

P.S. No offense intended toward our Hermosillian colleagues.

EFM: Enduring Free of Maids

Given this past blog posting on domestic employees/maids, it should come as no surprise that I've decided to tackle the house cleaning by myself.

After I got done with all of the unpacking, which was less than a day's chore, it wasn't like I had a whole lot going on anyway, especially before we got the Internet hooked up. Now that I'm finally back in touch with my contractors for freelance writing, I might find that my day is filling up quickly between doing work and practicing Spanish that a little extra assistance might be nice. But I doubt it.

But I've gained a new appreciation about how much work goes into keeping a house clean. The real reason women entered the workforce, I think, is based solely on the fact that housework is much more difficult than office work. I've done both now, and it really hasn't even been a contest. Then you figure in the whole added benefit of bringing in a paycheck as well and is it really a head-scratcher as to why women wanted out of the house?

We live in a fairly large home by our standards. There's a few rooms we never use. And we have no children, so looking over a house shouldn't be too great a task, you'd think.

Someone(s) had warned me that there is a lot of sand in Mexico, and it finds ways to your home no matter what you do.

And while I don't have a child to clean after, I do have a dog, and she leaves behind lots of hairs. Between the sand and dog hair, hardly a day goes by that I don't have the broom and dustpan in my hands for at least an hour.

And sometimes, I think Tiffy just likes to make more work for me. Here is her eating. Notice that she doesn't "hold over" her bowls. No, that would be too easy. Instead she takes a kibble or two out of the bowl at a time and chomps over the floor.

The other aspect of being a "home owner" is keeping a yard. There is a movement a foot that whenever a diplomat moves out, if he/she did not tend to the yard (or pay someone to do it for them) and it is either overgrown of burned out, the housing management company tears out the yard and either paves it (backyard) or fills it with rocks (front yard). Our front yard is full of rocks.

But we do have a grassy backyard, which equates to another couple hours of work for me each week with hedge clippers. There isn't enough grass to justify a lawn mower, and if I found a decent electric edger, I'd consider using that, but I've only seen gas edgers.

Then throw in laundry, dog walking, cooking and doing the dishes, and it isn't too hard to see how I fill most of my days.

It is a lot of work, but another part of the reason why I want to do it myself other than to fill my schedule is to take some ownership of this house. One of my first impressions of this place was "we just haven't lived here long enough to make this feel like our home as opposed to guests." One good way to not feel like a guest is to not have strangers come in every so often and do all of the cleaning for you. So far that is working, as I feel responsible for this place now.

And for all of that sand and all of that hair.

The Stay-at-Home Husband

FRASER, Col. - I've been doing this freelancing, work-from-home thing for about 10 weeks now, so this is as good as time as any to take a step back and evaluate.

Generally speaking, it has been a God-send. I have so much extra time to myself, it can be overwhelming at times trying to fill a day.

But that is not to say that being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband is not without its stresses. Sure, I can hardly tell the difference between Wednesday and Saturday (though I've worked out a system: If Natalie wakes up first, it is usually a weekday, and if I wake up first, it is usually a weekend), but I still enjoy the rest and relaxation a long weekend like Memorial Day provides.

And that was my not so subtle attempt to provide an excuse to post this picture of my view from my D.C. sister- and brother-in-law's Colorado home as I type this entry.


OK, enjoy that? I am. But back to the task at hand.

Being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband, or an Economically Feeble Money-provider (EFM), while offering more time to watch the History International Channel while preparing dinner, adds a bit to our financial stress.

By my estimates, I've earned about the same amount of income had I been employed this whole time, but getting my contractors to reimburse me in a timely manner has proven most difficult and frustrating. Which has caused me to spend parts of my day scouring the competition for freelance opportunities as well as a few other outlets.

The great unknown of when I'll get paid again as well as how much billable work I'll be able to do from week to week and month to month, especially while we're still living in Virginia, as been very stressful.

I'm not looking for sympathy. As I've said, I love not having to drive to an office and deal with people with whom I don't particularly like on a daily basis. I like being able to determine how I spend most of my day. I like being able to go to the post office and being the only customer.

So while I've gained a lot of perks, I think it is easily lost upon others that this newer life doesn't necessarily mean I'm living on Easy Street. Every time I hear, or induce, someone say something to the effect, "But you do nothing all day," I bristle and feel insulted.

I'm sure this stems from several things going on. For one, there is truth to the statement, which probably what makes it the most cutting. But there also is some judging and condescension that I don't appreciate. As I and others have discussed, in the United States at least, it isn't playing second fiddle to a woman's career.

So I don't feel guilty about needing a little R&R get-away in Colorado. And I definitely feel as though I've earned it.

Role Reversals

I wouldn't go so far as to list this as an example of cognitive dissonance, but these changes certainly have been shocking to me.

Yesterday, Natalie and I got our visas to work in Mexico. It is official; we are leaving the United States to find work in Mexico. Five years ago, I never would have believed that statement.

I'm also happy to report that last week, after my freelance contract came to an end, I was able to come to terms with my old company to infinitely extend that contract, which, to paraphrase our all-knowing Veep, Joe Biden, "is a big effin deal!" Go read any other foreign service spouse blog, an inevitably there will be multiple posts about finding work.

(Speaking of work, before I left the office, I wrote an article about a young ophthalmologist running for the Republican nomination for senate from the Commonwealth of Kentucky. I'm happy to say that Rand Paul, M.D., rode the EF'M bump to a primary victory and is now the front runner to win a seat in the Senate. But Dr. Paul, you'd do well to heed your father's advice: "Be careful, you could get elected.")

But our moving to Mexico to find better paying jobs is not an isolated incident. In January, Ford officials announced they were moving battery-production jobs from Mexico to Michigan, because, you know, the labor is cheaper.

Hermosillo has a Ford plant, though I can't say with any certainty that it is that plant that will be losing jobs. Ford has several Mexican plants. But months ago when I knew even less about Hermosillo than I know today (which still is very little), I said it was a combination of Texas from the cowboy, beef-producing aspect and Detroit from the Ford plant, but, I said the difference was this plant actually made cars, which means Hermosillo = Texatroit.

Well, if the Hermosillo plant is the plant losing jobs to cheap labor, my analogy will be even more true as an industrial city will be losing jobs to outsourcing.

Five years ago, I definitely never ever would have seen that one coming. Role reversals abound in the foreign service.

Another Weekend, Another Dateline

BOSTON - If I had a twitter account, I suppose I would say something like: "workin in boston. gr8 city, but 2 cold n April. miss DCs 90s already" (though that would be a lie; I am going to die in the Hermosillo heat).

And if I were on the facebook monster, and saw one of my friends posting this, I'd probably hit whatever buttons send this message: EF'M likes it.

Isn't online networking connecting us! (By the way, I refuse to recognize online networking as social networking, because I think this is an oxymoron...there really isn't any socializing going on.)

Alas, I'll move on. I'm in Boston covering a five-day long eye surgeon conference, and back when I was a full-time employee, these were the highlights of the year. Big city, expensive hotels, food allowances, time off from walking Tiffy, and daily deadlines. Adds up to a great change of pace from the dull office life.

A couple of years ago, this was my idea of traveling. I'd cover at least two conferences every year, usually in Chicago or San Francisco though I've been to most of the largest cities in the country for these conferences including New Orleans (post-Katrina), Las Vegas, San Diego, Atlanta and now Boston.

The real treats were the rarer international conferences, which sent me to London and Jamaica.

I thought I was spoiled to get to go to these locations. Now it all seems a little dull. I spent the past five years getting to see the country through work, and now I'll get to start seeing the world through Natalie's work.

When I started with this magazine, I really never knew what cool things I would see in the different cities of this country. And that was kind of exciting. Especially on the first day of arriving in that city. Of course, there also were the times when I realized I forgot to bring my hotel information or my dress socks or the time I got food poisoning or some sort of nasty virus and ended up in a hospital in downtown SanFran with an IV drip in a bed next to woman on a crack high or something complaining about a broken leg. So it wasn't always great either.

I get to experience that excitement again on an entirely different level as I can't even began to anticipate what will await us in Hermosillo, let alone where ever we get sent to next. At the same time, the trepidation also is exponentially greater as well as forgetting dress socks seems to pale in comparison to some of the other hardships I've seen in the news or read in other blogs.

Boston is my U.S. city victory lap; my final conference hurrah. There are still some regions I'd like to visit and sites I'd like to see, but when it comes to the United States, I feel like I can say, "Been there, done that."

A Monday Mea Culpa

This morning, I had to go back an re-read what I posted over the weekend, especially after reading some of the feedback.

And first, I need to thank everyone who shared their stories and advice about how they have handled their cell phone situations.

But after reading again what I posted, I fear that in my effort to not point to accusatory of a finger at one group, I perhaps painted the entire foreign service community with too large of a brush.

I think another contributing factor is the fact that perhaps I've had it too easy so far. I've been riding a streak of good luck that has included nailing down some employment, getting to start freelancing early (today, yippee!), being a part of a fun and active A-100 group, and have had the opportunity to meet many of the people who will be moving to Hermosillo about the same time we will. And to top all of this off, I have found that this blogging experience has been rewarding as well as I've learned a lot from reading others and from getting feedback on my posts as well.

So I was about due for some adversity, I suppose. After all, it is not like I'm being asked to stand idly by state-side while Natalie is shipped to Iraq for a year.

But where I probably was too hard on in some areas, I also might have erred in not highlighting how critical a cell phone that meets my parameters is to my situation.

Blepharokeratoconjunctivitis. My options are to have a cell phone that can record that word and its equally daunting friends or go to medical school. The ability to do my job is dependent on my having a cell phone. (Though doing interviews via Skype is intriguing; you deserve some type of award for creativity, Donna.)

And I consider having my own government-free job at post to being critical for maintaining my independence and semblance of self importance.

I do want to thank everyone again for their concern and thoughts, and apologize if I offended anyone by being too whiny. I'm a whistle blower by nature, which is great for journalism, but unfortunate for forming social bonds.

EFM: Employment Finale, March 5

The countdown unofficially began today when my publisher handed me a consulting contract that puts a big black circle around Friday, March 5. And it likely will really begin tomorrow when I sign it after making a couple of clarifications.

I've choked down this job since July 18, 2005, and during that time, I've interviewed for at least four different publications while applying for dozens more (more accurately, I started applying for jobs about six months after starting here and had my first interview about one year into this job).

And now the glorious light at the end of the tunnel can be seen, finally. Granted, it comes with the caveat that I'll still be depending on these people for freelance work, so I can't give that exit interview I've been dreaming of for years.

It also is not my intention to travel the world writing for this magazine, either. Ideally, I'll use this gig as a crutch for a year or less until I can find something more permanent or at least enough freelance work for publications I respect.

In this regard, March 5 represents the end of the tunnel, but it is not the end of the ride.

Beginning my freelance transition in March even though we aren't leaving for Hermosillo until late June is important because it will afford me more time to look around at other options.

It also affords me more time in general. This is an 8-to-5 job (actually 7:20 to 5:45 when accounting for commute) that I can get done in a few hours each week. Not only will I have time to explore other revenue-generating options, but I'll have more time to cook, exercise and watch March Madness. Really, March 5 couldn't be a better last day in that regards as Championship Week will be hitting its stride that day.

Now I just have to make it another week and a half, and then I'll get to start to enjoy my new found freedom.

EFM: Employment For Moi

In case you didn't know, it is snowing more in D.C. I've been out of the office since 10 a.m., Friday, Feb. 5. But I'm sick of snow, so I'm moving it into Haiti status; i.e., I'm done writing about it unless something new happens. And I'll take this opportunity to point out that even Snowstorm 4.0 through 5.0 has relegated Haiti to third or fourth story status, what is going on there deserves more attention than what is going on here.

OK. New topic. And really, this is the big one I've been putting off until I had the energy necessary to address it, and the answers to provide.

When we first started telling people about Natalie's acceptance into the foreign service (good job, honey!), the first two questions were, "When and where are you going?" and, "Is David and Tiffy going with you?" Usually the third question was, "What is David going to do?"

I usually mumble something about look for some freelance work, and I'm not worried about it because I really don't like my job anyway, and there is no room for me to grow there so this was an opportunity to re-evaluate my career. And yes, I'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence.

Some quick background, I suppose, is necessary. After graduating with my extremely valuable degree in journalism (Why did my parents let me go through with that?), I reported for a couple of newspapers in southeast Ohio while Natalie worked on the Hill. I needed to find a job in D.C. for when we got married, and I landed a job with a health care magazine...at least, that is how they advertised it on journalismjobs.com.

I learned during the interviewing process that it was actually a trade journal on eye care, but I needed a job, the pay was decent, and I needed a job.

About 4.5 years later, and after a lot of angst, alcohol and job searches, I told the publisher and editor about this recent development, and asked about freelancing for them. While I get no satisfaction from the work, I do get some satisfaction from the paycheck, and they pay their freelancers better than their staff writers.

Well, they kind of gave me the run-around leaving me the impression they are ready to part ways. But last week, lo and behold, I had a meeting with the publisher in which he said he would be happy to keep me on staff as a freelancer, and he thinks it would be a good idea for me to start transitioning to life as a freelancer sooner rather than later.

Music to my ears. I first brought this up with them in October hoping to start freelancing at the beginning of the new year. So now it looks like I will get to start freelancing starting in the beginning of March.

I still do not see this as the long-term answer for my life as an Employee Forcefully living in Mexico (EFM), but this gives me some more time to figure things out while getting to work some and contributing a little money.