Fool's Knowledge

With regards to the foreign service, as soon as I think I know something, I realize I'm way off base.

After making it onto the registrar (good job, honey!), initially we thought we'd be called off almost immediately because we heard rumors that due to the increased number of foreign service positions the Obama Administration was creating, there was virtually no waiting list.

Obviously this was not the case. So just as Natalie was deciding whether or not she wanted to try to improve her positioning by taking the oral exam again, we did get the call.

Then I started to share with friends and family all sorts of bad information about where we could wind up (I thought only embassies were in play. There are like 30 potential locations in Mexico, and only one has an embassy.) and how long until we got there.

Even as recently as this week, now that we've been on the inside for about nine months, I'm still learning that once I'm ready to claim I know something, we are wrong. The most recent example was that we were told by somebody who probably ought to know better that everyone being posted in Mexico who wants to take a car with them has to drive there.

That made a little bit of sense, because it seems it is cheaper for the government to pay for gas and hotel rooms than to pay to ship the car. But it stopped making sense about the time you realized that Merida, Mexico, is all the way at the bottom of the country and would be a very long drive. Yet if you get posted right across the border in Guatamala or Belize, then the government will pay to ship your car.

Of course, by now, I've come to accept that very little of what the government does makes sense, so I just accepted that this was another one of those examples that the government's procedures were flawed.

Turns out that there are only about a handful of border cities that the government won't ship a car to, and that Hermosillo isn't one of them. We're still going to drive there, but we were both surprised by this revalation.

It has made me re-assess what I know. What I know is this. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Hermosillo is in Mexico. Mexico borders the United States. We are suppose to live there.

There's also things I ought to know. But having been proven wrong about things I know on almost a daily basis since this process has begun, I don't like to share this information anymore. The biggie here is about when we are leaving. I think I know when we are supposed to move, but because it is dependent on Natalie passing her Spanish exam, and because this date changes more often than D.C. weather, I'm content to say I don't know.

And finally, there are the things I believe to be true, but these beliefs are based more on speculation than anything else.

The lesson is to take information at face value. Even if the information is coming from a reliable source, it could still be inaccurate. About the only thing you can bank on is that isn't a fact until it has already happened.

Sacrifices

Yesterday around 3:45 p.m., my niece Isabella was born, and it marked the first time I did not make it to the hospital for one of my siblings' children's birth.

To be fair, I would not have made it to the hospital this time regardless if we were in the foreign service or not. This is only the second time I had a niece born since we moved to the D.C. area, and I was able to make it to the hospital in time last year out of a lucky twist of fate - I was able to stop in Cincinnati while returning from an eye surgeon conference in San Francisco just in time to visit my newborn niece and recovering sister-in-law in the hospital.

Moving from southeast Ohio to the D.C. area, a difference of about 350 miles, meant missing out some family events.

This nomadic lifestyle we begin this summer will guarantee I'll miss even more.

I've discussed already how family members view the foreign service decision. Without rehashing too much of it, this is a lifestyle many have a hard time understanding or, in some cases, even accepting. (These are general terms not specific to my family, though some definitely have a hard time understanding.)

And I can see a little better as to why they might feel this way. After all, I've pretty much guaranteed that I will be removing myself from family life even more so than I already have.

I'll mostly be watching my nieces and nephew grow up in pictures and a computer screen. In all likelihood, I won't be there for some seminal moments of their lives as they get older and I'm living in a remote location.

It is easy to think about the sacrifices we are making as we enter the foreign service because they are many. But we should also be aware of the sacrifices are family's also are making, and in all likelihood, they were never consulted about their opinion of these sacrifices. It is something we imposed on them.

EFM: Entering a Filosophical Mood

Sorry about the headline, but I felt like cheating today. For the record, I know it is "ph."

Being home all day, no matter how busy I try to keep myself, ultimately leaves ample time to be alone with my thoughts. And one of the lectures I covered in Boston has been weighing heavy on my mind, and it seems pertinent for people in our fold.

This lecture was given in the context of preparing eye surgeons how to inform a patient and/or the patient's family that there was an error during surgery.

The speaker explained that delivering bad news is difficult for people to do because it makes the messenger uncomfortable. In the case of surgeons, the message is hard to deliver because it means they have to admit they made mistake or something went wrong under their watch.

And as we continue to peel away to the center of the matter, admitting a mistake is difficult because it means we have to grapple with the concept that something we were certain to be true was confronted with a situation or evidence that proves that belief is wrong.

In psychology, this is known as cognitive dissonance. The speaker explained that when faced with these situations, it is human nature to deny the new evidence exists, rationalize away the new evidence or reinterpret that evidence to fit into our previously held beliefs. This is part of human nature because much in the way our body responds in dangerous situations to protect itself, our brain also reacts in a manner to protect our psyche and self esteem.

It doesn't take a philosopher to see how cognitive dissonance relates to the foreign service. I don't think it takes a great leap of faith to say that in order to enjoy this lifestyle, a foreign service officer and his/her family that is more capable to cope with cognitive dissonance will strive in this lifestyle.

I imagine that along this journey, which starts in Mexico but then who knows, we will have preconceived convictions and deeply held beliefs challenged by what we see and experience.

Now we just have to be ready to admit that we thought to be true was wrong.

EFM: Evading the Facebook Monster

While catching up on reading the blogs listed in the left-hand column, I saw on another blog that I was six days old. Oops!

Truth is I've been busy entertaining as my mother was in town for a few days, and I'm getting ready to be in Boston for almost a week for work (first time I've used the phrase "for work" in a long, long time...and I don't like it).

But while it says I've been absent six days, it really has felt much longer than that. I'm out of rhythm. And I don't know what to write about as I've also been out of the foreign service loop for most of a week.

So I've decided to ease myself back into the routine by bringing back my old nemesis, technology.

Going all the way back to day one, I've been outspoken of my hesitancy to embrace technology. It's nothing personal against technology; it's just that the new stuff tends to be expensive and doesn't really seem to offer that much benefit for the price. When the latest and greatest becomes more mainstream and more affordable, that is when I make my move.

facebook (with a lowercase "f") is free. But you won't find me on it. Ever. I'm not on Linkedin, either. Yet. twitter (with a lowercase "t"; what is it with online networking and fear of capital letters?)? Forget it. No chance in hell.

I don't get these Web sites, especially the lower-cased duo of facebook and twitter. Linkedin at least feigns some professional usage, and between that and the fact there is a foreign service spouse network thingy, I can see myself joining.

twitter is the bane of my existence. Does everyone who uses this service suffer from such illusions of grandeur that they think their friends/family/unknown followers care about what they are doing every moment of the day?

As for the facebook monster, I think it is the gateway drug to twitter. The cult of celebrity has made us all too willing to overexpose ourselves on the Internet.

I do see a little irony that I bemoan the voluntary sacrificing of privacy and my writing a blog. But let's be honest. This blog is only a little about me. Other than a picture, limited biographical info and the fact that you can relate to me as a fellow foreign service spouse, you don't know much about me.

I stopped by facebook as I was writing this to steal a logo or something (it also has been a while since I've used any art). And I found this expression: "Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life." (Interesting they chose to capitalize facebook in this sentence; probably because it is the first word, or they don't adhere to their own style.)

Perhaps, but so does e-mail, phone calls, postcards, and <gasp> letters. If anything, I'd argue all of those other methods are better at connecting and sharing with the people in your life because you will be connecting and sharing while enjoying a little bit of privacy. A little privacy will give you the peace of mind to share more intimately than anything that ought to posted on the Internet.

What facebook is good at is allowing you to connect with the people that, more likely than not, you made the decision to disconnect from your life. Sure, sometimes that decision is made gradually overtime, but if you really wanted to keep in touch with your grade school crush, chem lab partner or a college acquaintance, you would call or e-mail occasionally. Right?

I've read enough of other's thoughts on facebook to know that many will disagree with my sentiments. And maybe when I'm living elsewhere and phone-communication is more infrequent, perhaps I might be swayed. For one thing, while many complain about parents finally learning how to use facebook, I think this actually is a benefit as fewer people are posting embarrassing and/or incriminating photos as in the early days.

Time will tell, but don't waste your time looking to friend me because as far as facebook and its ilk is concerned, I don't exist.

Going into Rewind

I've come to realize I may have put the cart ahead of the horse a little and skipped this topic. Or at the very least, I only hinted at or made some implications as to why I was agreeable to Natalie taking up a career with the foreign service.

I found myself thinking this over in great detail after reading a post by I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! about talking disapproving or concerned parents/family members about this different lifestyle.

Along with the regular suspects of questions about where and when we leave for Mexico and what we will be doing comes the other biggie, "Why?"

Of course, part of this question is brought on by the fact that we are moving to Mexico. If we were telling friends and family we were moving to some western European capital, it would be easy to turn that question around and ask "Why not?" (But isn't just hilarious to tell people you are moving to Mexico to get a job?)

But even before Flag Day, or as I like to call it, A-100 Lottery Day, friends and family really couldn't understand why we would sign up for a life that would require us to move to anywhere in the world every two years or so. (Where I'm from, we joke [these were jokes, right?] that if you want to cross the Ohio River, you need a passport...such is how well I was equipped for culture shock.) After all, even if we were sent to a Caribbean paradise one time, we could end up in civil war-torn hell hole the next.

I can't speak to Natalie's frame of mind when she decided to apply. Besides, that's kind of out of this blog's scope anyway. I'm here to talk about why spouses would be OK with moving away from friends and family and likely ditching a career as well.

For me, at least, the career thing wasn't a big deal, because as I believe I've made clear, my career wasn't really going anywhere.

But that obviously doesn't answer the question about "Why the foreign service?" After all, I could just quit my old job. And if a change of venue was also part of the answer, this is a large country with plenty of places to relocate.

The easiest answer is that this is what Natalie wants to do, I love her, so I support her.

I have my selfish reasons, too. I do want to see the world, and this definitely lends itself to that.

Professionally speaking, I fancy myself a writer. As such, I believe that writers write from personal experience. This life offers an abundance of experiences I would not likely face in the United States alone.

So to come back to ITMTGP's question about talking to family and friends about this choice, perhaps the main points that should be made is why you want such a life. Our family and friends just want what's best for us, so maybe once they know why we think this life is best for us, that might help them to cope with adjustment.

And don't expect anyone to understand either. This is a nation that has done pretty well throughout history subscribing to isolationism, so wanting to leave the Land of the Free to live else where is an entirely foreign concept to most Americans. I think the key to putting others' minds at ease is getting them to understand that this is a decision that was not made lightly, pros and cons were weighed, and ultimately you reached the decision that this is a lifestyle that is best for you.