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Dear Pack-out Diary,
This morning marks Day 2 of the pack-out, and I'm waiting for the call that the mover/packers are here to finish the job.
Before I get any further, I apologize in advance if I come across particularly caustic this morning as I didn't sleep well two nights ago - nervous about the pack-out, I presume - nor did I sleep well last night either - our alarm clock went off in our super-secret hidden bunker that will be our home for the next week. Mind you, we didn't set; rather the previous guests did. But I'll save my complaints for a later post, and to be fair, I'll wait a little longer than one night to give my impressions of this place.
Instead, I'll turn my Righteous Laser Beam of Justice (patent pending) toward yesterday's events as well as previous events that led to yesterday's results.
First, I liked our movers/packers, which is good because we spent 12 hours together. There were three of them, and one was very nice and helpful. The second was quiet, but he appeared to be working very hard. The third was a bit of schmuck, but he was helpful in the beginning in explaining to Natalie that she had about 2,000 pounds of stuff marked for UAB.
Second, I've heard several stories about over-aggressive packers that wrap up everything from garbage to cats quicker than the foreign service family can keep up with them. This definitely was not our experience. We began with the Post-its system, but after our UAB was ready, which happened quickly, it essentially morphed into a pile system. All of our storage stuff, which wasn't much, was piled on one of the couches going to storage. That, and large furniture items in the bedroom and living room were for storage. Everything else must go! And the bathroom was off limits for packing.
After several hours of packing and loading, Natalie and I started finding several items that had not been packed. Most of them were in the bedroom where the schmuck was working, but there were a few items all over the place. But we did get everything we wanted packed eventually.
Third, I raised a question before about pack-out privacy, which wasn't a problem for us, but many comments pointed out that these guys have seen everything during their careers so there isn't any judging. In fact, while talking with the guy working the kitchen, he said he often gets asked about the strangest things he packed. Well, we added something new to that list. That is all I'm going to say about said item; it was in the kitchen.
Fourth, during about the eighth hour of pack-out, I asked our kitchen guy how many pack-outs he does a week. They work five days a week, which is shocking considering they were in the midst of 12-hour day. He explained that they receive a worksheet every day they start a new job describing the estimated weight, number of workers and how many days the job is.
As I described earlier, the guy with the magic calculator estimated it was a two-day job. By the time that information filtered down to our three packers/movers, it morphed into a one-day job. Well, at some point during the day, they called to say one day was impossible. Typically in jobs like the one we had, they would arrive and pack one day, and move everything the next.
Finally, one of my continuing complaints is stupid acronyms. I've been a part of two pack-outs now, and during the pack-out, I've never heard anyone say "UAB" or "HHE." The movers don't use these expressions. I'm not entirely sure they even know what HHE means.
Why does the State Department instill this vocabulary into its employees when at the time it matters most - pack-out - the people packing stuff don't use these terms.
UAB = "air freight" or "air"
HHE = "ground freight," "sea" and/or "surface"
There are probably more terms the movers use, but these are the ones I've heard in two pack-outs. State, please stop using UAB and HHE! It only confuses things. If you must use acronyms, which I don't think you do in this case, let the movers pick them.
Hand me a stone tablet; I have some information ready to be etched down.
On second thought, I've never used a chisel. The Internet will have to do.
We scheduled our pack-out day, and now I can lay claim to real knowledge as opposed to fool's knowledge. I know what day the movers are coming for our things.
Which, of course, could cause a problem. Because while we know when the contractors will bring the boxes, we don't know if Natalie will pass her Spanish exam on the first go around. We have a pretty good idea, but what we don't know.
It kind of makes me wonder who is writing the policies and guidelines of being a foreign service officer. I hope it is not the same people who are writing the policies and guidelines of foreign diplomacy.
By now, the world knows my disdain for the acronyms used during the moving process (I'm looking at you, UAB and HHE). Well, here is yet another aspect of moving that doesn't make any sense. Why do we need to schedule a pack-out day before we know when we are leaving (OK, we have a date, but it also is dependent on passing Spanish)? How does this make any sense?
I suppose "putting the cart before the horse" isn't considered a warning to proceed in logical order; rather, it is considered an instruction manual.
Anyway, I'm glad to have knocked out one practice run (at a friend's expense), so hopefully our turn will go smoothly...I think I just heard the collective foreign service community chuckle.
We do have the advantage of filling a car with the really, really important things, and we are in the process of adding a roof-top cargo container and rack on our compact sedan to compensate for the loss of our backseat for transporting Tiffy.House Keeping Note:When I first started this blog, I spent some time looking for other blogs to follow, and then added a few as they found me. In other words, I got lazy and content. While not necessarily one of my aims when I got started, I learned quickly that the foreign service has an extensive blogosphere, and it is a great way to learn from others and make contacts.
So I've added a lot of blogs to my follow list, and I figure that will continue to grow over the next few days. I'm mostly only adding and following other Entertaining, Functioning Manuscriptists (EFM-written blogs that get updated with some regularity...maybe an acronym was a bad idea there).
A special thanks to Life After Jerusalem for keeping such an extensive and well-organized list of bloggers. She provides a great tool for following other bloggers.
So about two months ago, I attempted to smooth out some of the Foreign Service's clunky acronyms by translating them into meaningful terms.
Since then, I realized a few typos, a few errors and a few omissions that needed to be added.
Before looking over the changes, let me explain my problems with the acronyms.
First, some of them are just nonsensical. I've already bemoaned the use of UAB and HHE as terms to denote two shipments of our things to post. Yes, I get it that it does make a difference what you send UAB and what you send HHE because of weight restrictions and when things arrive. But my complaint is that these terms seem arbitrary. Unaccompanied Air Baggage (UAB)? Isn't everything I receive at post after I get there unaccompanied? Househould Effects (HHE)? Aren't all of my possessions household effects? Hence my recommendation they just call them First Shipment and Second Shipment. At least that implies some semblance of approximate arrival time.
Secondly, despite what A Daring Adventurer might think, I tried to simplify these acronyms down to the nitty gritty. (ADA, thanks, as always, for the link.) In other words, while FSI stands for the Foreign Service Institute, what does the institute do for foreign service families. So instead of trying to remember what the institute provides, I figured I cut to the chase and oversimplify it in three or so words.
Finally, my last complaint about acronyms is that some oversimplify in three or so words. I rail against Eligible Family Member because it attempts to group all of us into a pretty little package. I like individualism too much to be fine with EFM.
So, without further ado, here is the newer, longer, (more offensive?) version of the Official Unofficial Chart of Foreign Service Acronyms. Version 2.0.
Too much going on these days that I'm going to have to bust out some bullet points to cover events. But I'll lead off with some highlights from last night's Fatiguing, Self-Inflicted (FSI) course on the logistics of moving overseas.
First, let me say that I did learn some good pointers about preparing for the movers. Piles, people. From anecdotal evidence, the movers pack everything in site, so you're best off creating piles of things you want packed together. Some examples included the movers packing a family's garbage, which they received with their second shipment*. Another funny story was about a cat getting packed. Fortunately, depending on your perspective, they realized the cat was packed before boxes left the building and were able to get it out**.
*I plan on addressing this more later, but the State Department uses the expressions (and acronyms) unaccompanied baggage (UAB) and household effects (HHE) to denote the two shipments of luggage you receive after arriving at your post. Wouldn't be a lot easier just to call them the first and second shipment? That seems less confusing.
**I like animals, even cats. But cats make terrible pets. Sorry, it's just how it is. If a house cat weighed 90 pounds instead of 9 pounds, it would eat you. Even at 9 pounds, cats spend most of the day thinking if they could fit you in their mouth. As an historical side note to this, cats are last animal that have been domesticated (dogs were the first), so maybe in another 50,000 years, they'll make for better pets.
So while the class had some good stuff, the main pitfall was that it was too general to be applicable. And I noted as much on my evaluation. Maybe start with the general stuff and then break into groups that will have similar pack-out day experiences. For example, the people moving to China will have a different experience - and therefore need different information - than those of us driving to Canada or Mexico. Or maybe create courses called The Logistics of Moving Overseas...in (X Country).
To wrap up, so far I haven't had great FSI experiences, but I'll keep going if for no other reason than to get more material to write about. That's right, I'll keep sacrificing my own time for you, the readers. Now let's tackle some bullets:
• First a shout-out to my local in-laws, and regular EF'M readers, Eric and Mindy, for taking Natalie and me to a Wizards game Monday night. I'm not much into the NBA, but seeing a game in person is an entirely different and more enjoyable experience than watching it on TV. Secondly, as bad as the Wizards have been the past two years, when I attend the game, they've gone something like 5-1. (Wizards, you should treat me to every game, and maybe you'd win more.) We plan on returning the favor by taking Eric and Mindy to a Naranjeros baseball game when they come to Hermosillo (2010 Mexican Pacific League Campeones! That is number 15, baby!)
• A member of our Hermosillo contingent had a baby boy earlier this week, so congratulations are in order.
• You probably won't be getting any weekend updates because Natalie and I are going to Charlottesville, Va., to hit up some wineries and Monticello with another couple. We created a list of things we wanted to do while living in Virginia, and this has been on there for a long time. And we realize this is not the last time we'll be living in this area, but this is kind of a farewell-see-ya-later tour that we are doing because we are foreign service rookies, and this is the kind of things rookies do.
• And finally, there is a new, unofficial countdown as Natalie received word from the Hermosillo Consulate that they would like her first day to be June 28. This moving thing keeps becoming more real every day.
There is a hierarchy within the Foreign Service Office, and clearly, I’m the low man on the totem pole.
It is more complex than this, but for my sake, here is a pretty basic breakdown. On the top are the Pickering Scholars; they’re like the Skulls and Crossbones secret society of the State Department Foreign Service branch.
Next in line come the outside-a-magical-50-mile-radius hires who inexplicably are bestowed gifts of exuberant per diems. Third place belongs to the locally hired who apparently don’t need money as badly as their not-locally-hired counterparts.
A distant, distant fourth are the Extra Filework for Management (EFMs) who do not have jobs. And there at the bottom, are the Employed For the Moment (another use of EFM) people like me.
I think I understand why we are at the bottom. It is because we don’t really need much from the FS office, and they really don’t have much to give us.
I caught a little glimpse of how little of importance I am to the FS office through the Federally Supervised Instructions (FSI; and yes, that is a downgrade from Free Studies Inside status on the Official Unofficial Chart of Acronyms).
Yesterday, until Snowstorm 5.0 rendered D.C. utterly useless, again, I was supposed to be at FSI attending a course entitled “Post Options for Employment and Training.”
But before I move forward with the story, let me paint the complete picture.
The class was advertised for those who need help finding employment and for those who already have employment and what they need to know about taking that job abroad with them. At the time I was signing up, I wasn’t sure which category I would fall under, but it seemed like a class I should attend.
The problem, however, is that this class was being offered in the middle of the work week, which makes it a little more difficult for those of us lucky enough to have jobs to attend.
And for the uninitiated, it is not like the FSI does not offer weekend courses. I know because I took one already on overseas protocol and etiquette, which is a whole different blog post of its own that I’m saving for a rainy (or snowy) day.
Seems to me that a course about employment for EFMs would be ideal for one of FSI’s weekend seminars, but I digress.
No big deal; I’ll lie. I asked about obtaining the lecture material because I couldn’t get off work. I received a response that they don’t have any material to send and if I can’t make the course this time to try again in the future as it is offered four times per year.
So that didn’t work, so I’ll just take the day off work to attend. Mother Nature had other plans, and as a result, evened up the score to Mother Nature 1, EF’M 1.
While there were announcements the Federal Government was closed on Thursday, I guess it was too much to send an e-mail to the enrolled to let us know the course also was cancelled. Are they re-scheduling the course? Do I have to wait until it is offered three months from now to try and take it again? No word from FSI.
And I learn a little more about my place on the bottom.UPDATEAt 3:04 p.m. today (Friday), I finally received my notice that Thursday's "course offering has been canceled." Whew, what a relief, and only about a day and a half after the event.
It also is worth noting that by noon today, Natalie had already received information about the class being cancelled and for when it is being re-scheduled. My notice just said someone would be in touch with the re-scheduled date. I'll probably receive that notice the day after the course is over, too.
Oh well, this is what is to be expected when left to the hands of the government.
The U.S. Government loves acronyms; there is no getting around it. As a D.C. area resident and a once-upon-a-time journalist, I'm a bit accustomed to these unsightly blocks of capital letters, but I understand they can be intimidating to others. (I think that is their intention so you will just gloss over what you're reading.) Therefore, I took it upon myself to translate a few acronyms that other FSO spouses might find useful.
A couple of user notes first. While the majority are listed in alphabetical order, a few are "coupled" because they are related. Also, the list of acronyms is too exhaustive for my list to be considered the end-all-be-all chart of what you need to know. For example, I'll probably need to put together a sequel to cover the acronyms you might find useful for moving alone.
It should also be noted that this is a reflection of how much fulfillment I get from my current job that I took the time to do this. So here is the Official, Unofficial Chart of Foreign Service Acronyms: (and please feel free to add any suggestions for lengthening, shortening or improving the chart. I'm not too proud to make changes and admit my own shortcomings.)
So unlike several other foreign service office-related blogs, I never bothered to include a disclaimer stating that the government and I are not related, our views are different and so on and so forth.
I didn’t think it was particularly necessary as I am not a government employee, and my first posted concluded with me stating, in so many words, f*#$ the government.
But after posting for a couple of weeks, and as I have learned more about the FSO subculture, I’ve decided to add this small disclaimer: Sometimes, I’m wrong, just slightly off, or embellishing.
I was inspired to add this disclaimer after doing a little research and discovering I’m not technically an EFM because that acronym denotes a dependent status. Now, I imagine Natalie would argue that I am indeed more dependent on her than I ought to be, but as far as the government is concerned, I’m actually an Appointment Eligible Family Member (AEFM), because I could serve as a direct-hire employee for either a Family Member Appointment (FMA) or Temporary Appointment (TEMP) position. (Holy crap this just keeps spawning more acronyms!)
AEFM interferes with my blog title, and as I have no intention of ever working for the U.S. government (one my many mantras, to Natalie’s chagrin and possible embarrassment is: “I don’t work for the government; the government works for me.”), so therefore, I have no problem dropping the “A” and never mentioning it again.
So in conclusion, please don’t take my postings as any official government stance and please don’t hold me accountable for any inaccuracies. My writings are based on memories intended to be entertaining, and I don’t double check facts and figures.
First, a quick thank you and welcome to the inaugural posting of Ef’m.
Before I delve too much into the back story of why I’m here, let me quickly explain that I’m a late technology adapter. It wasn’t until 2005 that I finally signed off on this whole DVD thing (though I’m still not entirely sure it bests VHS cassettes considering the whole susceptibility to scratches aspect) and I remain strongly opposed to creating an online networking account (read as Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.). This is my first blog post, and I’ve been dragged in kicking and screaming to some degree.
Reminding you once again of my penchant as a late-adapter, this blog really is about a year and a half behind in events, so let’s get up to speed.
During the summer of 2008, my wife, Natalie, casually informed me she wants to apply to be a foreign service officer (FSO--the acronyms begin), which means we will be living all over the world, and it is a very long application process that could take years. I gave my blessing and file that thought away in my soon-to-be-dismissed section of my memory bank.
Long story short, she passes every test on her first go around (good job, honey!) and miraculously squeaks her way into the 148th A-100 class. For the uninitiated, an A-100 class is group of any number (seems to between 75 and 100 these days) of approved FSO applicants that will complete the six-week introductory training course before moving onto their specializations. There are several A-100 classes every year.
Somewhere in that process, Natalie becomes an FSO, and I became an eligible family member (EFM). Yuck! Where did the government get the right to turn me into an acronym—and a lame one at that?
Even FSO is a bit acrid, so I’ve re-acronized the government’s distasteful acronyms. These are a little more flexible and can change with the moods. Most often, FSO now means fervent significant other, but the “F” can be upgraded to favorable, fantastic, or fabulous; or it can be downgraded to fascist, fastidious, or when I’m really angry, fatuous.
But what to call myself and others in my position? This was more difficult, because it risks following into the same trap the government did—generalizing us into a group, and in essence, marginalizing us. So generically, I’m fine with efficient familial manager, but like with FSO, I’m sure Natalie will have different EFMs for me such as exhaustive, fat malcontent, or extremely flexible mainstay, depending on how supportive I’m being at the time.
The key, I suppose, is to not let the government dictate too much as to what we are supposed to be. Yeah, I understand for legal purposes, they need some generic terms to cover who gets to travel on the taxpayers’ dime (thanks taxpayers!), but I’m not some generic EFM. So, I say ef’m.
