DC Snowstorm 4.0, Much Ado about Nothing

The worst is over, but we're still "suffering" the ramifications of about 18 inches of snow. For example, the federal government is closed, the Metro is running underground trains only (which means we can go to Pentagon City or Pentagon, and that is it), and my office is open if you can get there. I can get there, but it is not worth losing my parking spot over, which took me two hours, three pairs of a gloves, a long scraper and a bucket.

I kept a timeline for your entertainment, especially for those of you poor saps who have to work today.

FRIDAY
7:02 a.m. – Leave our apartment to go to work.
9:58 a.m. – First time I noticed snowfall.
10:03 a.m. – The office closes. By about 4:30 p.m. the day before, there was already rumor spreading that as soon as the first flake hit the ground, which was suppose to be at 10 a.m. today, the office would close. So knowing they would close the office right away, they made us come in for two hours anyway.
10:42 a.m. – I finally get a parking space at the near-Potomac-Mills Harris Teeter. Not because there were not enough spaces, but because everyone was concerned about getting the closest spot to the door as possible. Mind you, this was an indoor parking garage.
I also want to add that I was shopping for groceries not to sustain us for the snow-pocalypse; rather this was a trip I was going to make regardless as part of my regular routine. In all, about 75% of my groceries were things I was going to buy, and 25% were emergency groceries. And by emergency, I mean we have one bag of chips here. Given we’ll be inside for most of two days, we might eat that bag and want to open another. Hence, an emergency.
11:22 a.m. – Begin leaving Harris Teeter. I have to acknowledge the wonderful job the HT employees did in keeping the check-out lines moving. When I saw the lines, I was preparing myself mentally for a 30-minute wait or so, but they had me done in about 10 to 15 minutes.
11:33 a.m. – Got home and found that Tiffy had left me a surprise. I knew as soon as I opened the door because she does her I’m-so-happy-your-home routine combined with her please-don’t-be-angry routine. That, and I could smell it. After cleaning that, I then have to console Tiffy because she knows she did wrong. I do a short show of anger, clean the mess, and then cuddle with her to let her know I’m no longer angry with her. Fortunately, this is a very rare event.
12:25 p.m. – Natalie calls to let me know she is on her way home. We had already known she’d only have a half-day today. I should also point out at this point that while it has been snowing for about 2.5 hours, it hasn’t begun sticking to the roads, yet.
2:05 p.m. – Went running on our rooftop treadmill. Hey, if I’m going to be a stay-at-home husband, I’d better start looking the part. Right before going for the run, NBC’s Pat Collins brazenly declared that in Gaithersburg, according to his calibrated yard stick, there has been no accumulation. A calibrated yard stick? What is a non-calibrated yard stick? A branch?
5:20 p.m. – I took Tiffy out for our 30 minute walk. My non-calibrated eye estimated about a quarter inch on the roads when we started, and about a half when we came back.
7:11 p.m. – Went across the street to the Crystal City Oakwood to hang out with some A-100ers, drink wine and play games…yes, Never Have I Ever was a staple.
11:56 p.m. – Walked Tiffy after the party. We stopped in a park where I let her off her leash, and we chased each other around. I know the snow was getting ridiculous because I was able to outrun her as she had to jump through the snow where I was still able to lift my legs. Upon coming home, she had clumps of snowballs tangled in her legs, so we put her in the tub to melt the snow off her then chased her around the apartment to dry her before going to bed.

SATURDAY
All Morning - Pat Collins makes TV watchable. This by far was the greatest revelation of the entire weekend. Normally, Collins does over-dramatic crime reports in which he speaks in sentence fragments straight out of a bad 1970s newscast a la Ron Burgandy. But doing the man-on-the-street during the snowstorm, he was intentionally hilarious. Bag the crime reports and relegate Collins to man-on-the-street.
1:23 p.m. - I opened emergency bag of chips No. 1.
4:45 p.m. - I'm walking Tiffy again, and the snow is petering out. There are a couple of down trees and large limbs; the roads are rough; the sidewalks are gone; but the 24"+ of snow is not going to happen. Not even close.

SUNDAY
9:45 a.m. - I begin the task of digging out our car. We don't have a shovel, so I take a bucket with me. And being the considerate neighbor I am, I scoop a bucket of snow, walk 10 yards or so to a snow mountain, and add my snow to it instead of dumping my snow on the car parked next to me.
11:40 a.m. - I finish my task. The car can get out of the parking lot. EF'M 1, Mother Nature 0.
While I have the ability to move the car, this was an in-case-of-an-emergency task because no way I'm giving up my shoveled..ur..bucketed parking spot to go to work.
1ish p.m. - We're doing some chores around the house to host a Super Bowl party. The original destination lost cable.
3:32 p.m. - We haven't eaten real foods since the first snowflake. I look over at Tiffy, and I start imagining short ribs or rack of Tiffy or some such delicacy. Nah, too messy; too much work. I think I just open another bag of emergency chips. (This is all a lie. This timeline was too boring, so I felt the need to spice it up a bit).
5:10 p.m. - I receive an e-mail that the office is opening at 10 a.m., but only for those who can make it. I won't be docked time off for not showing up. Yeah, I think I'll stay home on Monday and blog.