FIFA Copa Mundial

A quick note about yesterday's post, and then I'll move onto a more pleasant topic - today's World Cup kick-off pitting Mexico against host-nation South Africa.

I fear I may have come across a little arrogant in the end. I don't expect to be America's border expert after having spent two years in Mexico. I mostly just wanted to say that I disagree with Arizona law, but I do agree that there is a problem - either actual or perceived - with what is going on at the border. And that this problem really sucks for me because I'm assuming will make my stay in Mexico a little less pleasant if not more dangerous.

OK. Soccer...er...futbol time. I have to admit I don't really understand soccer...er...futbol, and the World Cup, while apparently a feel-good tournament for the rest of the world, tends to fall on deaf ears here in the United States. Nevertheless, in my attempt to start adapting to Mexican culture a bit, I'm going to make myself sit through an entire soccer...er...futbol game.

To capture the excitement of the moment, I've decided to channel my inner Bill Simmons, of ESPN, and provide a streaming timeline of the game as I watch from home somewhat similar to what I did during the snowstorm. My early predictions, a lot of boredom but a high scoring game in which Mexico wins 2-0. And to make it a little more interesting, I've got a bottle of tequila in the fridge to celebrate every Mexican goal. Go Mexico!

10:05 a.m. EST - Kick-off, and the game is underway. Before the game got started, they sang national anthems of both countries, and it makes me sad that our national anthem sucks so much. Mexico and South Africa have much better anthems, and so does most every other country, at least of the ones I've heard.

Tiffy was very nervous for the start of the game.

10:07 a.m. - Mexico was on the attack early and had a shot at scoring a quick goal. By the way, it is worth mentioning that there is a constant buzz during the game provided by 80,000 fans blowing horns so that it sounds like a swarm of bees. You have to appreciate how much the rest of the world loves soccer...er...futbol and how dedicated the fans are. At U.S. sporting events, about half the fans are interested in the game, and the other half interested in something else - usually beer. And if it is a baseball game, it is more like 20% or less are interested in the game.

10:12 a.m. - The first penalty was called and it just reminds me how little I understand about soccer...er...futbol. I played when I was young, and I even reffed little kids' games, but I have no idea what constitutes a penalty in professional soccer...er...futbol.

10:21 a.m. - Another penalty called - this one against Mexico resulting in a free kick against the Mexican goal (but not a penalty kick), which went high. The penalty was called as a result of a great flop by the South African player. Soccer...er...futbol players are some of the best actors.

10:22 a.m. - First yellow card given. Surprise, it was against a Mexican player named Juarez. Go figure.

10:32 a.m. - A yellow card against South Africa. Boredom is starting to set in. Even Tiffy isn't immuned to it. I need to take a bathroom break from all the coffee I used to start the day. Hope I don't miss anything

10:37 a.m. - Didn't miss anything, and I got back in time to see Mexico somehow miss a shot that should have made it 1-0. By the way, at this pace, the score will be 0-0.

10:42 a.m. - Some excitement as Mexico scored a goal on a corner kick, but the refs feared the game might get too exciting and called offsides. On the replay, and as the announcers pointed out, it was impossible to be offsides as South Africa had a defender standing on the baseline. So it would be impossible for a player to be behind him.

10:50 a.m. - One of the aspects I hate about soccer...er...futbol is that the game clock says 45 minutes, which is supposed to be halftime. But no, only the officials are privy to the actual game time. This is one reason why this sport will never catch on here.

10:51 a.m. - Real halftime now. The announcers said Mexico should be 2-0 or 2-1, but I think they forgot this is a soccer...er...futbol match. Two or three goals in one half just isn't in the cards.

There have been a few excitement moments in the game thus far, but then there will be 15 minutes of the ball at midfield that boring.

Living in the U.S.A. definitely has played a role in my malaise toward soccer...er...futbol. It is common to hear that because we have football, baseball and basketball, our population has other sports to follow instead of soccer...er...futbol. But I don't think that is true.

Americans have never been interested in soccer...er...futbol. Ever. We invented other sports to fill the void.

There is a famous story from World War I in which the Germans and British stopped fighting one Christmas Day and started playing soccer...er...futbol instead. Kind of reminds me of the old expression, "I went to fight and a hockey game broke out." Make a few subsitutions, and you have this: "The world was at war, and a soccer...er...futbol match broke out."

Anyway, in our history, we have a similar story, sort of. During the Civil War, when the northern troops had some down time, they also partook in sporting events. But they played the newly created game of baseball instead.

11:07 a.m. - Second half begins.

11:12 a.m. - Following up on a tip from the comments section, I checked the Wikipedia entry on offsides. And it appears she is right. Behind two defenders, not one. I've lost my faith in ESPN soccer...er...futbol analysts. I think I need to switch to Telemundo for the rest of this game.

11:16 a.m. - Goala! South Africa!

11:17 a.m. - Scoring is such a rarity in soccer...er...futbol that even the Mexican analsysts on Telemundo are going crazy shouting "Goala!" at least a dozen times. Sometimes holding it for a long time such as "Goooooaallllaaaa!" followed by quick repetition of "Goala! Goala! Goala!"

11:22 a.m. - I've should have been watching on Telemundo the whole time. I have no idea what they are saying, but they are so much more into than the ESPN announcers. Mexico just had another near miss, and the announcers were going crazy again.

11:40 a.m. - "GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL....

11:41 a.m. - OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Mexico 1-1.

11:50 a.m. - Almost forgot my celebration shot. The goal seems to have breathed new life into Mexico, which has come close to scoring again. I also need to tip my hat to the announcers for the ability to hold one note for so long while calling a goal!

11:53 a.m. - So I shouldn't have started watching until the second half. The last couple minutes in particular have been frantic with several close shots including a South African shot off the post they should have had.

11:54 a.m. - We are at 90 minutes, but the game continues because of silly onfield time.

11:55 a.m. - Game over. 1-1 tie. Mexico dodged a bullet, as a loss here would have likely been a death blow to their chances of advancing. All in all, it wasn't that bad, but I probably won't watch the entire 90 minutes of a soccer...er...futbol game again. At least not during this World Cup.

DC Snowstorm 4.0, Much Ado about Nothing

The worst is over, but we're still "suffering" the ramifications of about 18 inches of snow. For example, the federal government is closed, the Metro is running underground trains only (which means we can go to Pentagon City or Pentagon, and that is it), and my office is open if you can get there. I can get there, but it is not worth losing my parking spot over, which took me two hours, three pairs of a gloves, a long scraper and a bucket.

I kept a timeline for your entertainment, especially for those of you poor saps who have to work today.

FRIDAY
7:02 a.m. – Leave our apartment to go to work.
9:58 a.m. – First time I noticed snowfall.
10:03 a.m. – The office closes. By about 4:30 p.m. the day before, there was already rumor spreading that as soon as the first flake hit the ground, which was suppose to be at 10 a.m. today, the office would close. So knowing they would close the office right away, they made us come in for two hours anyway.
10:42 a.m. – I finally get a parking space at the near-Potomac-Mills Harris Teeter. Not because there were not enough spaces, but because everyone was concerned about getting the closest spot to the door as possible. Mind you, this was an indoor parking garage.
I also want to add that I was shopping for groceries not to sustain us for the snow-pocalypse; rather this was a trip I was going to make regardless as part of my regular routine. In all, about 75% of my groceries were things I was going to buy, and 25% were emergency groceries. And by emergency, I mean we have one bag of chips here. Given we’ll be inside for most of two days, we might eat that bag and want to open another. Hence, an emergency.
11:22 a.m. – Begin leaving Harris Teeter. I have to acknowledge the wonderful job the HT employees did in keeping the check-out lines moving. When I saw the lines, I was preparing myself mentally for a 30-minute wait or so, but they had me done in about 10 to 15 minutes.
11:33 a.m. – Got home and found that Tiffy had left me a surprise. I knew as soon as I opened the door because she does her I’m-so-happy-your-home routine combined with her please-don’t-be-angry routine. That, and I could smell it. After cleaning that, I then have to console Tiffy because she knows she did wrong. I do a short show of anger, clean the mess, and then cuddle with her to let her know I’m no longer angry with her. Fortunately, this is a very rare event.
12:25 p.m. – Natalie calls to let me know she is on her way home. We had already known she’d only have a half-day today. I should also point out at this point that while it has been snowing for about 2.5 hours, it hasn’t begun sticking to the roads, yet.
2:05 p.m. – Went running on our rooftop treadmill. Hey, if I’m going to be a stay-at-home husband, I’d better start looking the part. Right before going for the run, NBC’s Pat Collins brazenly declared that in Gaithersburg, according to his calibrated yard stick, there has been no accumulation. A calibrated yard stick? What is a non-calibrated yard stick? A branch?
5:20 p.m. – I took Tiffy out for our 30 minute walk. My non-calibrated eye estimated about a quarter inch on the roads when we started, and about a half when we came back.
7:11 p.m. – Went across the street to the Crystal City Oakwood to hang out with some A-100ers, drink wine and play games…yes, Never Have I Ever was a staple.
11:56 p.m. – Walked Tiffy after the party. We stopped in a park where I let her off her leash, and we chased each other around. I know the snow was getting ridiculous because I was able to outrun her as she had to jump through the snow where I was still able to lift my legs. Upon coming home, she had clumps of snowballs tangled in her legs, so we put her in the tub to melt the snow off her then chased her around the apartment to dry her before going to bed.

SATURDAY
All Morning - Pat Collins makes TV watchable. This by far was the greatest revelation of the entire weekend. Normally, Collins does over-dramatic crime reports in which he speaks in sentence fragments straight out of a bad 1970s newscast a la Ron Burgandy. But doing the man-on-the-street during the snowstorm, he was intentionally hilarious. Bag the crime reports and relegate Collins to man-on-the-street.
1:23 p.m. - I opened emergency bag of chips No. 1.
4:45 p.m. - I'm walking Tiffy again, and the snow is petering out. There are a couple of down trees and large limbs; the roads are rough; the sidewalks are gone; but the 24"+ of snow is not going to happen. Not even close.

SUNDAY
9:45 a.m. - I begin the task of digging out our car. We don't have a shovel, so I take a bucket with me. And being the considerate neighbor I am, I scoop a bucket of snow, walk 10 yards or so to a snow mountain, and add my snow to it instead of dumping my snow on the car parked next to me.
11:40 a.m. - I finish my task. The car can get out of the parking lot. EF'M 1, Mother Nature 0.
While I have the ability to move the car, this was an in-case-of-an-emergency task because no way I'm giving up my shoveled..ur..bucketed parking spot to go to work.
1ish p.m. - We're doing some chores around the house to host a Super Bowl party. The original destination lost cable.
3:32 p.m. - We haven't eaten real foods since the first snowflake. I look over at Tiffy, and I start imagining short ribs or rack of Tiffy or some such delicacy. Nah, too messy; too much work. I think I just open another bag of emergency chips. (This is all a lie. This timeline was too boring, so I felt the need to spice it up a bit).
5:10 p.m. - I receive an e-mail that the office is opening at 10 a.m., but only for those who can make it. I won't be docked time off for not showing up. Yeah, I think I'll stay home on Monday and blog.