FSO: Fantastic Send Off

We aren't leaving for another three weeks, but we had our official farewell-to-D.C. party last night.

We had food (check out that awesome cake...it was like we were getting married again), and a fridge full of Mexican beer. Though as I pointed out, this would have been a good time to stock up on American microbrews or something that will be less readily available than Corona and Dos Equis. At least there wasn't any Tecate.


And there was fraternizing with friends and family.


Of course there was dancing, or at least something resembling it.


And a bit of mischief as well.


And this morning, there were hangovers, but we don't need any images of that.

Even though this was our farewell party, as noted we still have a significant chunk of time before leaving. And most people at the party jumped on the opportunity to try and schedule something else with us before we go. We'll do what we can to visit with our friends as much as possible before leaving, but I fear there aren't enough hours remaining to be accommodating.

This marked our second-to-last-stop on the farewell tour, which will reach its conclusion while en route to Hermosillo when we have a blowout in Kentucky with my friends and family, and then finally the farewells, see-you-laters, etc. will be done.

Then we get to look forward to all of the return parties in two years between posts.

It's Sure To Be an Adventure

Over the weekend, our great farewell tour continued as we visited Natalie's friends and family in Canton, Ohio, (home of the NFL Hall of Fame and William McKinley).

This was our first mass farewell, and many of the people we visited with, we hadn't seen in nearly a year. As a result, we had a lot of explaining of what lies in store down the road.

After delivering our over-rehearsed, or over-practiced, schpeel, invariably, there were two responses, but they both had one thing in common - the word "adventure."

I thought I knew what adventure meant, but after getting two entirely different meanings of the word over the weekend, I decided I had better brush up on my vocab. So I turned to my trusted Webster.

ad ven ture (ad ven'cher) n. 1 a daring, hazardous undertaking

OK, that meaning definitely makes sense in context. With a look of concern bordering on despair, I've heard this expression several times, "Well, it will be an adventure."

This is the pre-dominant use of adventure when we are in Ohio or Kentucky. You can tell this is a lifestyle they don't comprehend and definitely do not desire. Some have mixed feelings as they think it is a great opportunity to see parts of the world, but the thought of living overseas for years at a time (and in our case, Mexico), is out of the question.

But go back and look at the definition. See it started with a number "1." That means we have a second entry:

2 an unusual, stirring, often romantic experience

Once again, I have definitely picked up on this sentiment from others. "Wow! I'm so jealous. That is going to be an awesome adventure."

While I appreciate the support, this response catches me more off guard than the first. And I think the key is the part of the definition that says "often romantic." I can't help but think they have romanticized our situation too much.

Yeah, they do ask about what Natalie will be doing, but I feel as though they think we are going to be worldwide tourists. Which is definitely not the case; well, at least not for Natalie. She will have a demanding and high stress job while working at the consulate, though for Natalie, there isn't much that doesn't fall into the category of "high stress."

And not to belabor the point, but Hermosillo is not exactly a tourism hot spot.

Like all things, the reality of our adventure falls somewhere in the middle. It definitely has characteristics of a "hazardous undertaking." There is no shortage of recent news articles and television reports proving it. And there is an element of "romanticism" as we set up shop in various countries and get to experience numerous cultures.

I'm just kind of curious what a response in this vein would sound like, because I haven't heard it, yet.

Home is Where...?

In the touchy-feely times of yesteryear, "Home is where the heart is." If that were true, I'd probably still be in southeast Ohio, but that is neither here nor there.

Because as far as the government is concerned, "Home is where you have domicile."

For many foreign service families, home is where you lived before you came to Virginia for training. Your children went to school in your home district; you still have many relatives there; and you might still own property there.

We are local hires, so one would probably assume that means Virginia or D.C. would be our home. But not so quick.

As of Aug. 1, assuming Natalie's successful completion of her Spanish test, we will be homeless - save for the home we'll occupy in Hermosillo, the one the government owns.

So it would appear we will be without a home. We're fine with that. Natalie's ancestors were gypsies anyway, I think. Uncle Sam won't care too much, because he'll still get our federal income tax. Oh, but wait, some state will be asking for a handout in the way of state income tax because we don't have any ties to Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Texas, Washington state or Wyoming.

I suppose to be fair, it isn't a complete freebie to our "domicile-hosting" state. After all, we will be able to vote in which ever state we choose. So let's round up the candidates.

Virginia:
This has been our home for the past three years
We have Virginia driver's licenses
Our car is registered here
We've been voting here
The company I'm most likely to do most of my work for is here
In all likelihood, during any D.C. tours, we'll probably come back here, too

That is a pretty strong argument for Virginia, though the first point has no bearing on the future, the next three can be easily switched to any other state in which we can establish residence, and the last two points are speculation.

Kentucky:
This is where we have the most familial ties
I was born here

For now, that is about the only thing keeping the Bluegrass State in the running, but that is more concrete than Virginia as we can establish residency here before moving to Mexico and then do the car and voting stuff in Kentucky.

Ohio:
This is where our second most of familial ties are
Natalie was born here
We got married here

Essentially the same key points as with Kentucky.

Washington, D.C.:
Natalie's employer is based here
We lived here for two years
We could live here during a D.C. tour

D.C. is much like Virginia, but just with weaker ties, but that could change in a few years.

The tricky thing about claiming a domicile is the issue of intent to live there. It is tricky for us because we don't have any intent to live anywhere other than where the government sends us. We don't intend to do a D.C. tour for at least four years, to ask us if we intend to live in either Virginia or D.C. (or <gasp> Maryland) now doesn't seem like a fair question.

Because choosing a domicile is essentially choosing which state we want to pay income taxes to, at least for our immediate purposes, it seems worthwhile to do another comparison exercise - comparing tax rates for our likely income bracket.

Washington, D.C.: 8%
Kentucky: 6%
Virginia: 5.75%
Ohio: 4.695% or 5.451% (the split occurs in our approximate income range)

So long to "My Old Kentucky Home" and I never liked living in D.C. anyway. Now we just need to decide if all that paperwork and legwork is worth "switching" our domicile from Virginia to Ohio, especially if we end up in the higher tax bracket.

Too bad we just can't build a little hut on the Texas-Mexico border and call that home. Who cares if our heart won't be in the hut, because "Home is where you pay your income taxes (if applicable)" anyway.

Sacrifices

Yesterday around 3:45 p.m., my niece Isabella was born, and it marked the first time I did not make it to the hospital for one of my siblings' children's birth.

To be fair, I would not have made it to the hospital this time regardless if we were in the foreign service or not. This is only the second time I had a niece born since we moved to the D.C. area, and I was able to make it to the hospital in time last year out of a lucky twist of fate - I was able to stop in Cincinnati while returning from an eye surgeon conference in San Francisco just in time to visit my newborn niece and recovering sister-in-law in the hospital.

Moving from southeast Ohio to the D.C. area, a difference of about 350 miles, meant missing out some family events.

This nomadic lifestyle we begin this summer will guarantee I'll miss even more.

I've discussed already how family members view the foreign service decision. Without rehashing too much of it, this is a lifestyle many have a hard time understanding or, in some cases, even accepting. (These are general terms not specific to my family, though some definitely have a hard time understanding.)

And I can see a little better as to why they might feel this way. After all, I've pretty much guaranteed that I will be removing myself from family life even more so than I already have.

I'll mostly be watching my nieces and nephew grow up in pictures and a computer screen. In all likelihood, I won't be there for some seminal moments of their lives as they get older and I'm living in a remote location.

It is easy to think about the sacrifices we are making as we enter the foreign service because they are many. But we should also be aware of the sacrifices are family's also are making, and in all likelihood, they were never consulted about their opinion of these sacrifices. It is something we imposed on them.

Going into Rewind

I've come to realize I may have put the cart ahead of the horse a little and skipped this topic. Or at the very least, I only hinted at or made some implications as to why I was agreeable to Natalie taking up a career with the foreign service.

I found myself thinking this over in great detail after reading a post by I'll Take Mine...To Go, Please! about talking disapproving or concerned parents/family members about this different lifestyle.

Along with the regular suspects of questions about where and when we leave for Mexico and what we will be doing comes the other biggie, "Why?"

Of course, part of this question is brought on by the fact that we are moving to Mexico. If we were telling friends and family we were moving to some western European capital, it would be easy to turn that question around and ask "Why not?" (But isn't just hilarious to tell people you are moving to Mexico to get a job?)

But even before Flag Day, or as I like to call it, A-100 Lottery Day, friends and family really couldn't understand why we would sign up for a life that would require us to move to anywhere in the world every two years or so. (Where I'm from, we joke [these were jokes, right?] that if you want to cross the Ohio River, you need a passport...such is how well I was equipped for culture shock.) After all, even if we were sent to a Caribbean paradise one time, we could end up in civil war-torn hell hole the next.

I can't speak to Natalie's frame of mind when she decided to apply. Besides, that's kind of out of this blog's scope anyway. I'm here to talk about why spouses would be OK with moving away from friends and family and likely ditching a career as well.

For me, at least, the career thing wasn't a big deal, because as I believe I've made clear, my career wasn't really going anywhere.

But that obviously doesn't answer the question about "Why the foreign service?" After all, I could just quit my old job. And if a change of venue was also part of the answer, this is a large country with plenty of places to relocate.

The easiest answer is that this is what Natalie wants to do, I love her, so I support her.

I have my selfish reasons, too. I do want to see the world, and this definitely lends itself to that.

Professionally speaking, I fancy myself a writer. As such, I believe that writers write from personal experience. This life offers an abundance of experiences I would not likely face in the United States alone.

So to come back to ITMTGP's question about talking to family and friends about this choice, perhaps the main points that should be made is why you want such a life. Our family and friends just want what's best for us, so maybe once they know why we think this life is best for us, that might help them to cope with adjustment.

And don't expect anyone to understand either. This is a nation that has done pretty well throughout history subscribing to isolationism, so wanting to leave the Land of the Free to live else where is an entirely foreign concept to most Americans. I think the key to putting others' minds at ease is getting them to understand that this is a decision that was not made lightly, pros and cons were weighed, and ultimately you reached the decision that this is a lifestyle that is best for you.

EFM: Employment For Moi

In case you didn't know, it is snowing more in D.C. I've been out of the office since 10 a.m., Friday, Feb. 5. But I'm sick of snow, so I'm moving it into Haiti status; i.e., I'm done writing about it unless something new happens. And I'll take this opportunity to point out that even Snowstorm 4.0 through 5.0 has relegated Haiti to third or fourth story status, what is going on there deserves more attention than what is going on here.

OK. New topic. And really, this is the big one I've been putting off until I had the energy necessary to address it, and the answers to provide.

When we first started telling people about Natalie's acceptance into the foreign service (good job, honey!), the first two questions were, "When and where are you going?" and, "Is David and Tiffy going with you?" Usually the third question was, "What is David going to do?"

I usually mumble something about look for some freelance work, and I'm not worried about it because I really don't like my job anyway, and there is no room for me to grow there so this was an opportunity to re-evaluate my career. And yes, I'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence.

Some quick background, I suppose, is necessary. After graduating with my extremely valuable degree in journalism (Why did my parents let me go through with that?), I reported for a couple of newspapers in southeast Ohio while Natalie worked on the Hill. I needed to find a job in D.C. for when we got married, and I landed a job with a health care magazine...at least, that is how they advertised it on journalismjobs.com.

I learned during the interviewing process that it was actually a trade journal on eye care, but I needed a job, the pay was decent, and I needed a job.

About 4.5 years later, and after a lot of angst, alcohol and job searches, I told the publisher and editor about this recent development, and asked about freelancing for them. While I get no satisfaction from the work, I do get some satisfaction from the paycheck, and they pay their freelancers better than their staff writers.

Well, they kind of gave me the run-around leaving me the impression they are ready to part ways. But last week, lo and behold, I had a meeting with the publisher in which he said he would be happy to keep me on staff as a freelancer, and he thinks it would be a good idea for me to start transitioning to life as a freelancer sooner rather than later.

Music to my ears. I first brought this up with them in October hoping to start freelancing at the beginning of the new year. So now it looks like I will get to start freelancing starting in the beginning of March.

I still do not see this as the long-term answer for my life as an Employee Forcefully living in Mexico (EFM), but this gives me some more time to figure things out while getting to work some and contributing a little money.