The Stay-at-Home Husband

FRASER, Col. - I've been doing this freelancing, work-from-home thing for about 10 weeks now, so this is as good as time as any to take a step back and evaluate.

Generally speaking, it has been a God-send. I have so much extra time to myself, it can be overwhelming at times trying to fill a day.

But that is not to say that being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband is not without its stresses. Sure, I can hardly tell the difference between Wednesday and Saturday (though I've worked out a system: If Natalie wakes up first, it is usually a weekday, and if I wake up first, it is usually a weekend), but I still enjoy the rest and relaxation a long weekend like Memorial Day provides.

And that was my not so subtle attempt to provide an excuse to post this picture of my view from my D.C. sister- and brother-in-law's Colorado home as I type this entry.


OK, enjoy that? I am. But back to the task at hand.

Being a stay-at-home, quasi-employed husband, or an Economically Feeble Money-provider (EFM), while offering more time to watch the History International Channel while preparing dinner, adds a bit to our financial stress.

By my estimates, I've earned about the same amount of income had I been employed this whole time, but getting my contractors to reimburse me in a timely manner has proven most difficult and frustrating. Which has caused me to spend parts of my day scouring the competition for freelance opportunities as well as a few other outlets.

The great unknown of when I'll get paid again as well as how much billable work I'll be able to do from week to week and month to month, especially while we're still living in Virginia, as been very stressful.

I'm not looking for sympathy. As I've said, I love not having to drive to an office and deal with people with whom I don't particularly like on a daily basis. I like being able to determine how I spend most of my day. I like being able to go to the post office and being the only customer.

So while I've gained a lot of perks, I think it is easily lost upon others that this newer life doesn't necessarily mean I'm living on Easy Street. Every time I hear, or induce, someone say something to the effect, "But you do nothing all day," I bristle and feel insulted.

I'm sure this stems from several things going on. For one, there is truth to the statement, which probably what makes it the most cutting. But there also is some judging and condescension that I don't appreciate. As I and others have discussed, in the United States at least, it isn't playing second fiddle to a woman's career.

So I don't feel guilty about needing a little R&R get-away in Colorado. And I definitely feel as though I've earned it.

Jobs vs. Careers

Many of you directed your comments yesterday about my perception of being an Emasculated Form of a Man (EFM) to a grander view of self worth and employment, which is fine because that is where I was headed today anyway. The two are definitely linked; I was just highlighting my opinion that I think it might be especially hard on men given social norms and some of the data.

I also need to give a special Clairvoyancy Award to the authors of I'll take mine...to go, please! for using the actual phrasing of jobs and careers, because that is exactly what I was planning on covering today.

(A quick aside: Thank you to all who included overly generous, flattering remarks in your comments.)

The instructors at Free Studies Inside (FSI; by the way, three courses, eight or so instructors, and all have been women...OK, OK, I'll let it go now) were kind enough to us on Friday to no sugarcoat the facts. Even those of us fortunate enough to have portable careers are going to arrive at a post where we will be unemployed.

According to their November 2009 data, 2,470 (25%) EFMs worked inside the mission (which is somewhat Christian-speak for the U.S. government building at post); 1,295 (13%) worked outside the mission; and 5,978 (62%) were unemployed. Within that last group, about half would've liked to been employed.

Here is some more interesting data regarding employment that I couldn't really find a place for, so I will unceremoniously throw it at you now. The State Department breaks the world into regions: Africa (AF), East Asia Pacific (EAP), Europe (EUR), Near East Asia (NEA), South Central Asia (SCA) and the Western Hemisphere (WHA).

Childcare is so expensive in Europe and the Western Hemisphere that many EFMs opt for unemployment because it makes more sense financially, and so those to regions have higher unemployed EFM rates at 66% and 65%, respectively. Also at the bottom (66%) is East Asia Pacific due to the fact that it is illegal for EFMs to work in several of those countries including China, Thailand, and more. Near East Asia and South Central Asia both are higher than average (53% and 47% unemployed, respectively) because both of those regions have many unaccompanied tours, so unless the EFM is working at the mission/post, they aren't coming anyway. Finally, Africa with 48% unemployment gets mad props for doing the most to provide work for interested EFMs, and have a better unemployment rate to show for it.

But what kind of work are EFMs finding?

The FSI instructors admitted that most of the mission work is clerical, so unless your previous career was a secretary/office manager/or whatever the going PC term is these days, you are working a job and not necessarily furthering your career.

But there are some career paths that offer some hope, especially for those who work in the local economy, which is foreign service speak for working outside the mission/post. For example, about 400 EFMs were able to find work teaching, which represents about a third of EFMS working outside the mission.

I fall into the next largest group, which is freelancing (189 EFMs also found this kind of work), though I also overlap a bit into telecommuting (84 EFMs did this) because I'm freelancing for an American company. There are freelancing jobs in the local economies.

Lawyers and medical workers also find employment, though the problem here is that American certification does not always transfer to the post.

Throw in some military jobs, non-government organizations and international organizations that pretty much is all that is available in the local economies.

What, your career is not represented in that group?

For the creative and entrepreneurial type, you can create your own business; 141 EFMs took this route last year. Lest we forget, there were 9,743 EFMs last year in all, so this apparently is a difficult undertaking. But, in my opinion (and was shared by one of the instructors), this seems to be the most secured way to have a career no matter where you are posted.

And finally, there is the volunteering option. But this comes with an often overlooked caveat. While volunteering can be personally rewarding, our instructors suggested that we should be more selective in these endeavors that Americans usually tend to be. In other words, search for volunteering options that you can use to further your career for when you return to the States.

That's right, we will be coming back to the States, and there is no reason we should be putting ourselves at competitive disadvantages because we were accommodating to our Federally-employed Significant Others (FSOs) and not looking out for our own interests, too.

I don't think this can be stressed enough. There will be tours in Washington, D.C., and many of us will not be able to afford this city on one government salary. Or perhaps after doing a few tours, your family decides to either take a break or leave the foreign service life altogether. Then what? You just spent the past 10 years or whatever making yourself less marketable.

It is imperative upon us to keep our own career goals on task because we will not be getting much, if any, help from anyone else.

That ends this rant, and as a reward for your patience, I'll update the Official Unofficial Chart of Acronyms in the coming days to cover all of the new gems I picked up from my FSI courses.

An Ode to Telecommuting

Telecommuting is the best thing to happen to the Internet since e-mail, online dating and porn.

It behooves me that our government can waste so much time and money debating the irrelevant (or the relevant but it is obvious they will never make the right changes...I'm looking at you, healthcare bill and bailout bills) when they could be drafting legislation to promote telecommuting (maybe tax breaks for allowing a certain percentage of employees to work from home?).

To wit, telecommuting reduces our oil dependence by reducing rush hour traffic; allows for more free time for personal use; and saves money for everybody except for the people who rent out office space.

I know one of the arguments against telecommuting is that many people are too easily distracted at home to be productive. And for some people, this could be true. I'm not saying that telecommuting is for everybody.

But for the vast majority of people who spend eight hours or more in an office or cubicle everyday, transitioning to telecommuting would be smooth and result in no loss of productivity. Quite the contrary, I have experienced a morale boost from working at home and have been more productive.

I blame the Old Guard for stifling telecommuting. For example, my first high school journalism teacher taught us how to layout a page on pica-grid paper, complete with old fashioned cutting (with scissors) and pasting (with glue). You know, just in case that whole Internet thing didn't work out, we could still design a page for the Gutenberg press.

The Old Guard have failed to appreciate that the Internet makes gathering information and communicating easier and faster. As a result, eight hours is too much time to be in the office every day. Even the most industrious, busy-bodies out there can still find time to read EF'M or other blogs at the office.

I think it is only a matter of time before there are more Americans telecommuting from home than working in an office. Here's hoping for the rest of you, because I'm already living the dream.